ramblings and things
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Talking DIY Blues
It was quite a nice day, cold but clement weather
When me and me bird tried to put a table together.
It was in three boxes, which we opened with care
So we could check each piece separately was there
Lying on the top and given a cursory look
A slim innocent looking instructions book.
For the first few minutes every things went fine
As we laid out the pieces in a long straight line:
Dowel rods A slid snugly into receiving holes B
But seemed a shade thick for receiving holes C.
I confidently said sometimes this happens with a kit
And with casual confidence took a big hammer to it.
Just a little later I found threaded bolts part E
Which it seemed were really meant for holes C:
Laughing it off as one of those things, a bit of a joke,
I took pliers to Dowels A which all immediately broke.
Me bird never said a thing but I could surely feel
Her confidence slowly wane and felt such a heel.
I felt the panic rise, was nearly walking on the ceiling,
'til her mum brought a cuppa tea, soothing and healing.
With very careful use of a driver, screws, a curse and a shout
One by one by one I eased broken dowels parts A carefully out.
I have to say all of us were more than somewhat pleased
When threaded bolts E still fitted into holes C with ease.
Another cup of tea, followed by howls of relieved laughter,
Such a feeling of relief in those few moments just after,
Then out and down the road to the DIY shop where
We very quickly found some new dowelling bits there
And just an hour later the whole table was assembled
Firm as a rock, and when shaken never even trembled.
The instructions book said twenty minute, so I just don't know,
How for me and me bird, hours and hours just seemed to flow,
And I had this thought pounding through me head
Thanks heavens it was finished before she went to bed
If there's a moral to this story, if you have an instruction book
It can save a lot of time and panic if you first take a good look.
When me and me bird tried to put a table together.
It was in three boxes, which we opened with care
So we could check each piece separately was there
Lying on the top and given a cursory look
A slim innocent looking instructions book.
For the first few minutes every things went fine
As we laid out the pieces in a long straight line:
Dowel rods A slid snugly into receiving holes B
But seemed a shade thick for receiving holes C.
I confidently said sometimes this happens with a kit
And with casual confidence took a big hammer to it.
Just a little later I found threaded bolts part E
Which it seemed were really meant for holes C:
Laughing it off as one of those things, a bit of a joke,
I took pliers to Dowels A which all immediately broke.
Me bird never said a thing but I could surely feel
Her confidence slowly wane and felt such a heel.
I felt the panic rise, was nearly walking on the ceiling,
'til her mum brought a cuppa tea, soothing and healing.
With very careful use of a driver, screws, a curse and a shout
One by one by one I eased broken dowels parts A carefully out.
I have to say all of us were more than somewhat pleased
When threaded bolts E still fitted into holes C with ease.
Another cup of tea, followed by howls of relieved laughter,
Such a feeling of relief in those few moments just after,
Then out and down the road to the DIY shop where
We very quickly found some new dowelling bits there
And just an hour later the whole table was assembled
Firm as a rock, and when shaken never even trembled.
The instructions book said twenty minute, so I just don't know,
How for me and me bird, hours and hours just seemed to flow,
And I had this thought pounding through me head
Thanks heavens it was finished before she went to bed
If there's a moral to this story, if you have an instruction book
It can save a lot of time and panic if you first take a good look.
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Talking DIY Blues
Talking DIY Blues