This was feelings from the heart. I had received the news
my father had died. I was the eldest son executor of his
estate. I had not seen him since the day I held a rifle
and pulled the trigger. For him and me God saved us. The
gun was misloaded and did not fire. He disappeared over
thirty years. His new family needed my release and was telling
me how sorry he was and how he loved me. How he had given
up drinking. I wondered if we would even care.
HOMECOMING
I came rushing home
to tell you all the news
After the years of abuse
and pain, "I have given up the booze!"
I jiggled the front door
and tried the lock
The name was not the same
and from me the door was locked
I peaked in the window
Everything but my picture was the same
Have you changed your last name?
Everything was in the same old place
Is it just me you are trying to erase?
The back door lock it still worked
A little pressure the practuced jerk
Wandered up the stairs
The kids were asleep unawares
I could see my how they've grown
Silently went to our bedroom
Tears I shed you were not alone
He rolled over and let out a groan
I realized then how long i'd been away
The drinking and the days ended that way
On the mantle I went to leave a note
Then tore up the loving words I wrote
Suddenly I needed a drink more than ever before
Poured the booze and smashed it on the floor
Startled, I woke up, was dreaming all the time
Woke the drunks around me borrowed a last dime
I don't know how you well accept me
As I am coming home on this Greyhound bus
I know from this time on the booze is forgotten
I well only think of us for in God I trust
One thing for sure I well never drink again
Mixing wine with love the bottle always wins.
*I drove unsure miles to where my Father was laid in rest.
Papers were signed and feelings for him were also laid to rest.
I never found out the outcome of his Will. I never wanted
him alive and in Mom's memory I left it at that. Once the
papers were signed I was forgotten as I left him in the ground.
I had alway wondered how I would feel if he came back asking
for forgiveness. I realized there was nothing to feel.