Alwaysawarrior

1,320,944 poems read

A MORAL STRUGGLE WITHIN MY OWN MIND

After enlisting into the U.S. Air Force, I felt good
Not having wanted to be drafted into the U.S. Army
And they were starting to draft into the U.S. Marines

I felt that I had made the better choice personally
I didn't care if I went to Vietnam I had volunteered
But as a mechanic I wouldn't be faced with killing

It was something that I had engrained in me always
It was my own moral belief that thou shall not kill
It was written in the bible to just turn your cheek

I had no problem going there to fix crash-fire trucks
So, they'd respond quickly to any emergency arising
As many times aircraft returned with battle damage

But then after arriving at our small remote air base
I was transferred instead to our security police unit
Assigned to the task of defending our base from attacks

Now I had to face a moral struggle within my own mind
For I didn't want to have to choose to end someone's life
It was up to God to make such decisions in life not me

This was an issued that deeply troubled my mind & soul
I'd joined up but I chose to be a mechanic not a cop
But instead, I found myself up in a defensive tower

Searching out any signs of an enemy attack on our base
Standing watch 25 feet up with an M-60 machinegun now
I confided in my NCO that I wasn't sure I could shoot

He looked at this 20-year-old kid I thought he'd yell
But instead, he put his hand on my shoulder and said
Son I know your scared, we are all scared each night

But your fellow airmen are trying to get their rest
It is your responsibility to protect all of them now
So, they will be able to do their jobs in the morning

I was assigned to security for a little over two months
And when the time came, I did fire my own weapon too
But in the end with everyone out there shooting at VC

No one really knew if one of their rounds hit them
Our job was to stop quickly any attacks on our base
But when you fired off over 200 rounds you know it

© Terry Sasek - Alwaysawarrior - all rights reserved.

So now for some 52 years I've lived each night with
the past and some people have called me many evil &
very vile names bored out of their own ignorance, I
have been told too that I am doomed to burn in hell
for all eternity for my actions in that Vietnam war.
But what they never seem to understand is that each
day and night I live with that past and I was there
and they were not, I've never done anything in that
war that I am ashamed of having done because my own
actions there saved more lives than any I might have
taken defending the innocent victims who looked to
us to save them from the killing being done by VC
back then and I protected and defended our fellow
airmen who were sleeping, trying to rest up for the
next day's responsibilities that they would face. I
would not wish the agonies that I've struggled with
in my own life over the last 52 years on any other
person at all, but I know too that no matter what
anyone else says to me about my own involvement in
that terrible war, the only one whose view of my own
actions there that matter to me is my Lord and my own
Savior Jesus Christ, for it is he who will be standing
with me as I'm judged for my deeds I've done on Earth!!!

Comment On This Poem --- Vote for this poem
A MORAL STRUGGLE WITHIN MY OWN MIND