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Can you hear me now?
I speak..
But my words are like sound waves entering a broken receiver
It’s logic can’t be discerned making the received
A non-beleiver
It’s truth to  me though
Truth to life and you’re a witness
To the life of a young child lost
You think HE can forgive this?
Under one roof were two teams with the same players
One holier than thou, the other vying to make the paper
Sport section! News flash!
Tune in for the blow by blow
I’m out for the count/beat down
But you don’t hear me though
~~*~~
 
I went to school each day
I made the grades that I should
I went to church every Sunday
Just trying to be good
But good wasn’t enough
I was still in the way
So I had to lie about my eye
And prayed for another day
The fear I had of you
Shook me to my very soul
Thoughts of your voice and your hands
Made my insides feel cold
I was a runaway at 6 at 8, 10 and 12
Walking miles to get away
From what I thought was my hell
“You wanna act like a n*,Ima treat you like a n*”
Those words struck my heart
As if you’d pulled a trigger
I was dead to you, a weight
You’d rather let go
And still I kept it to myself, till now
But you don’t hear me though
~~*~~
You don’t hear me
You’d rather mask the situation
Hold on to false memories
And maintain your reputation
Try to smooth things over
But some things you can’t glaze
The sweetness aint so sweet
The shine has lost it’s haze
They say, Time heals all wounds
But some wounds leave scars
I’ve lived my whole life
With my childhood behind bars
Locked up and away
I grew to love me
But I can’t run from my past
But it’s so hard to see
A future..With you..
Without re-living I can’t let go
I need an exorcism of my mind
But you don’t hear me though
~~*~~
I’m an adult now
All grown up with my own
20+ years without a word from you
By letter or by  phone
I’ve struggled for myself
Since the age of 15
Did whatever I had to do to make it through
/seen things I shouldn’t have seen
I once became what you thought of me
A disgrace, A true demon
I ran the streets and did the dirt
Yet my origin’s still your semen
Psychologically a mess
That’s what some have said
But I made it this far, when others around me lay dead
I needed you in those years
Not your fist just love to show
But when I asked just that I got a
 Cold shoulder and the door
But you don’t hear me though
~~*~~
Separated from my family
Labeled as a fraud
Stripped me of my stature
Turned me away from God
My strength was my resolve
                          My desire to prove you wrong        
I worked hard to build a better me
For MY son I would be strong
Now he’s all grown up and doesn’t know you
And you haven’t been that far
Just chose to stay away from me
It’s must leave a hefty scar
I’ve learned to forgive
But cannot forget
                 You must embrace what is real and true
Not live with regret
My scars are here
But not all made by you
I also have a mother
That did the same thing too
~~*~
B.Alexander
2013

 







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