I am a Modern Socialist

I practice anew every day

To teach the working class 

To do not as I do but as I say.

I read the Gruniard daily

To view the latest trends 

Which I can then discuss 

Over drinks with my friends.

My degree's in Sociology

Where I got a good Third

And I've had lots of practice

At making my voice heard.

I am working for the Party

As a Party Political Aide.

Just a few months and

My future should be made

When I get the chance

To fight a lost cause seat.

I shall show such dignity

In accepting my defeat

With a gracious speech

Which stands me in good stead 

And then I fight the next one 

Where the party is well ahead.

And the party machine

Will grind quickly into gear

And my election as MP

Draws inexorably near.

Oh I'm a Modern Socialist

And with Gruniard in hand

Will take my seat in Parliament

And join that elite elected band

And in the House of Commons bar

I'll raise my first subsidized glass

And drink a toast of joy

To the voting working class.

I'll sing the Internationale

On  Conference Closing Day

And instruct the working class to

Do not as I do, but rather do as I say,

For I'm a Modern Socialist,

Know the theories of stress and strife

Which makes up for the fact that I’ve

Not had a proper job in all my working life.