In this land of hope and glory
He formed an Institution

One boring summer day

As  nobody would ever listen 

To what he had to say.

He said he was an expert

In all things concerning life,

Finance and Social Matters

Warfare and internicine strife.

He had a piece of seaweed

Tarot deck and crystal ball

And in the event of indecison

Tossed a coin to settle all.

He rose to fame and glory

Without reason, sense or rhyme 

Which goes to shows how easy to

Fool most people most of the time.

He’s in the House of Lords now

As Professor Of Difficult sums

Proud of his ability

To take life as it comes.

Just say you are an expert

And if you have the sneck

It’s so unlikely there’ll ever 

Be any credential check.

For this is Tory Britain,

Land of the entrepreneur,

And few are likely to question

The means used to get you there.

Just sing Rule Britannia

Hope and Glory, and the Queen

Making sure when you do it 

You are very widely seen.

It’s in the eleventh commandment, 

Which is now so generally taught

Just keep your powder dry 

And hope you dont get caught.

In the event of any problems

you can use no win no fee

There’s plenty of dodgy lawyers 

Who’ll work to set you free
In this Land of Hope and Glory