I'll never forget 
That final walk
Or the context of
That final talk

Just  throw me in the Humber

My old mate had said

I didn't realise that he meant 

Not until he was dead.

He was quickly washed away

By a tide that didn't linger

I heard his curses across the water

As he gave me the finger

And then he was gone

Out of my sight

Covered up by the flow and

The descending night.

He ended up on South bank

Where with the tide he'd drifted

During those three missing weeks

He'd certainly gone and shifted.

I told the police my story

Of trying to please a mate

Not understanding what he'd

Meant until it was far too late.

I explained to the police that

I just don't have any way

Of separating talk from irony

Always believing what  folks say.

I told the judge and Jury

In front of my mate's missus

Only for the court to explode

With loud boos and hisses.

I'm on solitary confinement

In this dreary little cell

‘Cos all of the other inmates

Want to give me hell

I'm the subject of derision

Antipathy and hate 

Just because in trying to help

I'd gone and drowned my mate.

Life is full of ironies

And to this very day

I'm never ever quite sure when or.

Whether to believe what folks say.

I was only trying to help

Trying to be kind

It’s just that I suffer

From a very literal mind.

Just throw me in the Humber

My old mate had said;

I hadn't realised he meant

Until after he was dead.