melissaahowells - the brand of disappointment

I call out
she hears me
yet deliberately
there's no reply
stubbornly staggering she moves on
meandering
a sidewalk sidewinder

the contents of her purse falls out twice
she replaces it the second time
completely missing the target
hello I say, hello?
do you need some help...

she doesn't want my help
I remember a time before when
she said to me
"I don't trust you "
as I volunteered to call a cab for her

now I see her fumble for a set of keys
they slip from her fingers
their fall echoes when they hit the ground
she lurches as she scoops them up
running into the edge of the brick wall
then rebounding back

after another attempt she navigates the door
I wonder if her husband knows
then, I think to myself...
he will find out soon enough

its difficult enough to disappoint ourselves
its more difficult
to disappoint others
to feel the heated brand
of their disappointment
displayed across their faces

some will forgive us once more
but there'll come a time when they might not forgive
choosing instead to let us go
and then how will we forgive ourselves

fear is the name of that universe in which we live
pity to those who can't release themselves
from their own bondage
even greater do I pity those
who've hobbled themselves to live with them
no greater mutual suffering
was ever shared than this

this is no judgment
I've known this
I've lived this
I've asked for release
and begun the journey to answers

legal copyright for this work
and also for this writer/poet/author
Melissa A. Howells and also for this legally
copyrighted site title
Meloo Straight From Her Tilt-a-World

8:02am PST June 29th, 2017
based upon an actual event and my observation
Just for today...I'm
thinking of all the people I've ever known
or met through recovery of all kinds,
especially today Jamie Montoya who never really
was my friend, but yet, still a teacher and example none
the less. Jamie died from complications
during surgery on June 13...its difficult for me to
imagine such a vibrant human being gone.
RIP Jamie...you died before your time.
I am glad you had time in this earth where
you experienced serenity and gave joy and comfort
to others that you were able to cultivate
within your own life.
I'm also reminded to love people while they're
with you. Forgive them and forgive yourself.