Just an agricultural event
A tooth that wasn't half an acher
And to make things a bit worse
I'd only managed to break ‘er.
The dentist was fifteen
I swear he wasn't any older
But young as he was they
Don't make ‘em any bolder.
He got his hands in me cake'ole
To extract the blighter
But damaged as it was
it wasn't Half a fighter.
Young as he was
He was nobody's fool
He kept changing his grip
And trying a different tool
So there I am
Laid flat on me back
As he wrestled this way and that
As I heard the blighte crack
I was starting to think
It was going to be best
If he braced at full strength
With his foot on me chest,
I gasped with relief
And he gave a little shout
As one last heave brought
The last bleeding bits out.
Ten minutes it took
And I ain't exaggerating
‘Cos me missus was outside
Impatiently waiting.
My face is all swollen
Me jaw aches like hell
And I feel like a boxer
Who's longing for the bell.
I don't want your sympathy
And I don't want your pity
Because out of that I got
This awful little ditty.
If I'd only gone and done
As Pam Ayers said
And looked after me teeth
I wouldn't have this aching head.
