She wasn't at the station
Which was a bit of a pain
So I had to walk home
In the pouring rain
It was eerily quiet
As I hung up my coat
Then on the mantelpiece
I found her little note
It said she was leaving
And that was that
She was taking the dog
And leaving me the cat.
My share of the CD's
She sorted with a chain saw
I would find all my halves
Scattered over the floor.
She'd slashed all the sheets
And the mattress as well
Just to remind me that
Sleeping with me was hell.
She'd poured super glue
In each and every door lock
Removed the battery from
Each and every single clock.
The cars keys she'd flushed
Down the en suite loo
Do me good to use busses
For a day or two.
She didn't really think
She was suited to be my wife
She was taking the chance
To start a new life
She'd just had enough
She was out of here
Wished me a Merry Christmas
And a Happy New Year.
Thank the Lord
She hadn't touched my beer
So I cracked open a can
And wished her good cheer,
Put up the Christmas tree
The Mistletoe and Holly
For once, this year,
I had a reason to be jolly.
