I stood there in amazement
Not really hearing what he said
His name was Charlie Spencer
And I'd though that he was dead
He said it's great to see you
Did you think I was a ghost
Come and have a coffee
I use this café most
He looked so fit and healthy
Too young for his years
Laughing so much at me
His face awash with tears
I was walking through this shop
And here he mentioned a famous name
Purveyor of foods and sundries
A chain of world wide fame
And of course my wife went missing
As they can do for hours and hours
And I was stood there in frustration
By a counter selling flowers
And I looked at the haggard faces
Of all those men walking past
Most looking for their women
And I saw sense at last
Now it's long been my theory
That apart from the ability to breed
Men and women are different species
With opposing desires want and needs
Standing there in utter wonder
It all made complete sense
All those wasted years before I saw it
How could I have been so dense
So I wrote my suicide note
Left my clothes on Scarborough beach
Then absented my self quickly
From the distaff side's long reach
I've been living rough for five years now
Though I call it living free
There's a world wide support network
For people just like me
So next time you're taken shopping
And she does her disappearing trick
And you've looked and looked all over
And you've started feeling sick
Remember your mate Charlie
And if you want to run
Here's a helpline number
Just ring it my old son
They'll be here to help you
Down the local escape line
And bang before you know it mate
A free happy life like mine
I can see you're not yet ready
And I've really got to go
But when you are old mate
Be sure to let me know;
And he was off so quickly
Disappeared into that crowd
With me running after
Calling his name out loud
I resisted the temptation
Wasn't ready just then
But with the growth of seven day shopping
It's just a case now of deciding exactly when