If Frankensteins Monster Were Alive Today Written: October 5,2006
If Frankensteins monster were alive today...
He would sue the doctor for malpractice and a jury would award him millions
The doctor would blame it all on the pharmaceutical companies and plead not guilty by reason of insanity
He would enter some kind of rehabilitation program
Congress would enact new laws prohibiting mad scientists from constructing humans from the dead tissue of other humans and regulating the use of lightning for scientific research
The monster would change his name to Steve or Ron and Oprah would have him on the show to tell his story
Dr. Phil would get to the bottom of his abandonment issues
How his heart is filled with rage because his daddy doesn't love him
The monster would cry and the audience would cry with him
He would work for charities to raise awareness about monsters, or as he preferes to call them,"Reanimated Tissue People" or RTP's
He would run for mayor of a small town to show other RTP's that you can do anything you set your mind to
He would write a best selling book entitled," I Am Not A Monster"
He would go on Larry King Live and Larry would ask the "tough questions"
A made for TV movie about his life would draw the highest ratings in TV history
His Halloween mask would be the must have costume for several seasons
By day he would bask in the glory of his new found celebrity, but he would spend his nights alone, grunting and moaning in an alcohol soaked stupor trying to drown the monster inside of him
He would drive drunk and crash his car into a pole on Sunset boulevard and suffer serious injuries
But with a face like that, who could tell?
Time magazine would have his police mug shot on the cover with the caption,"Man or Monster"?
He would go to the Betty Ford clinic and emerge humbled
Maybe he would have plastic surgery to make himself feel better
He would go on Barbara Walters and apologize and tell the public, "I am a man, not a monster"!
He would wisely invest his riches and marry a hot former playboy center fold
His 15 minutes of fame would come and go like the flash of lightning that brought him into being
He would die in relative obscurity
Despite his philanthropic work, a best selling book, a made for TV movie, a popular Halloween mask, raising millions of dollars for Reanimated Tissue People, schools and plastic surgery hospitals named for him, dozens of Steve or Ron Frankenstein scholarships for underprivileged inner city youths
Obituaries the world over will remember him simply as "the monster"
R.I.P. |
