Flashback
In one unsuspecting instant they come back to my mind,
The days i hate to remember an example of a life so unkind.
The sudden flow of memories from things i choose to forget,
A vision of complete and utter madness the time's i thought I'd left.
I remember with out trying and i feel again as a child,
i wish this didn't happen the thoughts i do not wish to find.
The feeling of being so frightened believing i am back there,
With no one to protect me and no one to show me that they care.
I feel my heart beating in my chest and my breathing is so rapid,
I wanna scream as loud as i can and show the world what happened.
For each and every memory seems so much worse than the last,
I can't ever explain what i am seeing all i know is that it is my past.
I hear its voice whispering that everything is fine,
I smell that rotten smell of smoke it's welded in my mind.
I am back at the house where it happened and i am only seven,
but even at that young young age i won't to go to heaven.
I won't the pain to stop I'm crying for my mum,
But he doesn't raise an eyebrow he doesn't make a sound.
Just rubbing and touching me from my chest down to my knee's,
touching me in place's that make me want to scream.
I start to taste the taste of cider and feel the agonizing pain,
Of a monster that hurt me so badly over and over again.
Why do these memories continue to haunt me why are they coming back so hard,
This should all be over now it's driving me completely mad.
Everyday life seems to be getting harder with every thought i think,
With every little detail coming back the more i turn to drink.
I am a young women now i just want to be free,
from all the hurt and memories that stop me from being me.
As if the childhood of pain was never enough,
The things i remember now as an adult, dealing with it is just as tough.
I wish i knew an answer i wish there was a way,
to deal with such a cruel life and get on with my life today.
Copyright ©2008 Natalie Rawlings
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