I want to tell a story
You may not think it's true
It may seem allegory
I'll leave it up to you
When I was just a baby
At least I think I was
I felt somebody spank me
Back then I couldn't cuss
I tried to stop from crying
It didn't really hurt
I heard my mother saying
He's uglier than dirt
Now this is when it happened
This I know for sure
I looked straight at my mother
And peed all over her
How dare she call me ugly
I am a handsome boy
Cause when the nurses saw me
These women all rejoiced
One by one they held me
And gave me one big kiss
It drove my mother crazy
I was in heaven's bliss
And now that I am older
I still recall that day
It built up my strong shoulders
Don't care what people say
I know that I'm good looking
I am one handsome guy
All women will adore me
Until the day I die
