The Worlds Best Apple
~~~With all the drama about the running of the Olympic torches journey to China (Protests against Chinas human rights exploitation in Tibet) It reminded me of another funny story when I was traveling through China, here is the story..~~~
It was 2002 and I found myself in China
And this story will always be a funny reminder
Within the land of the Dragon
The older brother to the Rising Sun
In a country full of bikes and more bikes
And Terracotta warriors with Terracotta spikes
Where every other shop is a hairdressers, which when late at night
The girls blew more than cut, under a red light
A land of small people busy little bees packed all tight
And the giant panda recognizes his own plight
I have painted the picture of where are story will begin
I was out one evening in the southern Chinese town of Guilin
I had been on the road for about 3 months, after starting in Prague
And making my way to Russia and St Petersburg
I had done the Siberian Express through the heart of Russia
And then went through too Mongolia
Until my Train stopped in China
The land of the straw hat that is rather triangular
I had experienced lots of funny stories and a lot had gone wrong
But I was making my way down through China to Hong Kong
Now Guilin was a small but very picturesque Chinese city
Where once again I was the only white man, so everyone looked at me
I ‘d been out all day on a tour of the city, and my guide was a Chinese queer
And after a day of Chinese gay chat up lines I needed a beer
(You'll find that I can find any excuse to have a beer for any reason)
I was watching the Football in a bar, as it was the English football season
It must have been midnight when I decided to head back
But I got a little hungry and decided to get myself a snack
There are so many muddy small narrow side streets in these Chinese towns
You'll find cafes and small family run restaurants with dog whimpering sounds
I went to the this family run cafeé and ordered a pot of green tea
And some rice and beef chili
Then a stranger came and asked if he could sit with me
I nodded as it made no difference you see
He was a well-dressed Chinese Man in a shirt and tie
Imagine if you will, a Chinese man working for the FBI
He sipped on his Green Tea and then said Hello, what is your Name?"
"My name is Matthew, from London, I am on Holiday" I was used to this game
He smiled and nodded his head " Awe England, London, Good-Good Mr Matthew"
"Mr Matthew, my name is Mr Chong and I have a prepossession for you"
I looked at him and with a mouthful of beef chili said "Nah thanks I don't think so"
"I am just having something to eat then going back to my hotel, so thanks. but no"
I was used to people trying to sell me stuff, tours mainly
"Please Mr Matthew, just listen to what I have to say, let me order more green tea"
Another pot was ordered and he took from under the table his briefcase
And then opened it up and huge, huge, smile appeared on his face
And there in this briefcase, was no other than an……………………Apple!
I almost died with laughter choking on my rice,
"An Apple" I said, " very nice!"
He smiled, not understanding my sarcasm "Not just any Apple Mr Matthew!"
"This Apple will make us Millions and Millions of dollars, honestly it's true!"
"For you see Mr Matthew, This is the famous Guilin Apple, the best Apple in China!"
He then started to scribble down his telephone number
"Mr Matthew I need someone to export this Apple to England for me"
"I need a warehouse in England, I will do the exporting, I just need some money"
I thought I'd play along for a little while and so I said-
"I say! Mr Chong, this is the best apple I've ever seen. Do you have one in red?"
He shock his head "No Mr Matthew the Guilin Apple only comes in Green"
"Is it really the best apple you have ever seen?"
I nodded "Yes, I think it is an amazing apple, England will love this Apple"
He smiled and with bright white teeth he said."The Guuillinnn Apppple"
I went to pay the waitress but he waved and said, "This is on me"
"Oh Mr Matthew you have made me so, so happy"
I said, "Here's the deal I want a crate of apples here, same time, place tomorrow"
Then I got up and headed to the door "But now Mr Chong I have to go"
"But tomorrow we will put this Apple on the world market"
"This Apple will be the best Apple ever, with us behind it!"
I of course never went back, the next I got a train to Hong Kong
But I often wonder about the worlds best apple and Mr Chong?
~~~As in all cases, it is the Government not the people or the country that is to blame for society's wrongs. China was without doubt one of the most beautiful and wonderful place i have ever traveled too, the people are friendly and so incredibly wise, we can learn allot from the Chinese, do not given them the same label as we give those who govern it..~~
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