There she was so young so beautiful
Sitting on the floor of the hospital waiting room
My mind wondered why she appeared so sad
What caused the tears that fell from her eyes
Pony tail and braces
Blue jeans and sneakers
This woman child of no more than sixteen
Sat seemingly in need of someone to care
Her eyes ...
Her eyes seemed to plead with me
As I approached
I began by asking what was wrong
Such a simple question
But her answer was to surprise me
As she began to speak
Her story held so many shades of my own
Responsible for a mother she so loved
Who she alone tried to care for
Too many hours to sit waiting
Alone at a hospital in fear of
The newest complication to treatment
Too little time
To do what should be done
To find the person that she yearned to become
Like a raging river emotions spilled
To a perfect stranger
That stood in a hospital waiting area
She spoke of how she hated
The word 'Dialysis' that had
Robbed her of her childhood
Of the many hours she sat
By her Mother's side as the machine
That cannot cure ...
Removed entirely her Mom's blood
By sucking it into plastic tubes
To then be returned back into her body
After it had been cleansed
Most times leaving her tired and weak
Begging to just be allowed
To slip peacefully away
Away ??? from the weekly treatments
That tied her body to a machine
Just to remain to live until
Two days had passed and it
Again called her name?
How well I understood the heartbreaking pleas
For my Mother too lived in dependency
Of 'The Machine'
How hard it had become to convince her
That there was life beyond the
Three hour treatments that must
Be taken for her to remain with us
How Can She Do It Much Longer?
How Can I Convince Her She Should?
I Can't Stand To Watch It Any More!!!
What if something goes wrong
What if she dies in the chair
She has grown to despise
Tears spilled from her eyes as she
Told me that you felt as if the disease
Was not only her Mother's
But hers as well
Just Sometimes,
I wish that I could find
Who I could be.
Is that selfish? Is that so wrong?
She told me of 'cutting' to relieve the pain
How oh how could a heart be so mournful
Perhaps to find a greater physical pain
Finds the emotional trauma of her reality
Released if but for only the moment
Cutting tool finds bare skin
How well I understood the feelings of
Hopelessness and frustration
"There has to be something more I can do
How do I convince her the next time
She asks to be allowed to die
That she must continue to fight to live"
Finding one's self wanting more
Of what is life
Yet ...
Feeling so selfish in the need
This young girl now stood before me
I so many years her senior
Saw myself in her eyes that cried
I reached to her and she came to my arms
For a long moment the woman of tomorrow
And the woman of today held each other
In true understanding of the need of the other
We need not know each other's names
But I will pray for you
Remember that I am somewhere
Thinking of you and I understand exactly
How very hard it is cope day after day
She backed away from me and with tears
Streaming down her cheeks
Spoke to me again
But in a voice that seemed to shimmer
"This meeting was not by accident"
She turned and walked away from me
Not to be seen again in the many days
That the hospital room awaited my visits
It was as if she vanished within a sea
Of endless faces that traveled
The hospital's halls and grounds
Was this an angel child
Had I been visited by an angel
Did she come to mirror my own emotions
Was she sent to let me know that the feelings
I sometimes experienced
Was understood and forgiven
I truly wonder
I think often of the voice that turned from sobs
And began to speak like the whisper of the wind
If she was not an angel
She on that day and time
Became one to me
If she is still out there somewhere
I continue to pray for both of us
