Black Velvet Black Velvet
Served creamy and cold
Poor Man's Black Velvet
Both tasty and bold
We were both called Terry
But he was six foot four
To my six foot one
A full three inches more
So he was called Big Tel
And I was called small
But to us the height question
Just didn't matter at all
With rather too many pints
Beneath each respective belt
It was time to leave Brian's
So both of us felt
Big Tel knew a short cut
Or he did at least so he thought
And I faithfully followed Big Tel
In the way we boys are taught
That night was clear and damply cold
A ground mist hiding our feet beneath
And in a sudden fit of coughing
Big Tel went and spat out his teeth
Now he'd never ever told me that
He wore a few dental plates
Perhaps he was ashamed
To admit it to his mates
So we're crawling on this wet grass
Feeling through mist with cold hands
Lost and drunk and laughing
On some honest farmer's lands
We lost all track of time
Carrying out our long search
We couldn't after all
Leave Big Tel in the lurch
Eventually we found
Every single dental plate
Which Tel popped aback in his mouth
And as it was getting rather late
We resumed our interrupted walk
And of course we continued
Our interrupted talk
Black Velvet Black Velvet
Sweet mix of Cider and Porter
Drink just enough pints
And you can walk on water
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