Emmerson was a Rupert and he wore his officer's shoes
And Emmerson thought he was good at what Ruperts do
And Emmerson wore a monocle which really suited him
And in his tailored uniform looked so cute and slim
Cator was a signalman from Birmingham by birth
And very unlike Emmerson was rather large of girth
And Cator had a monocle prescribed by the National health
And on that first parade had inserted it with steath
You have to have been a squaddie to appreciate that scene
For as well as being large Cator's glass was tinted green
Monocle to monocle they stood
Emmerson's cane twitched against his side
The fruits of private medicine
v The Best the State could provide
Emmerson kept his cool, my gods but did he try
Until in a twitch of rage his glass fell from his eye
And turning on his heel
he swiftly walked away
And in a bit of history
old Cator won that day
Emmerson was a Rupert and he wore his officer's shoes
And Emmerson thought he was good at whatever Ruperts do
And Emmerson wore a monocle which really suited him
And in his tailored uniform looked so cute and slim