I altered the color of my hair today
To a deeper shade of blonde
But that is not going to help
Change the traitor I have become
To myself.
I look in the mirror
To see a dual image of myself
And the one looks back at me
With such scorn in the eyes
For it knows the betrayal so well.
The evasions, the fears, the failures,
That cannot be overcome
All the compromises, conditions and excuses
That I lie to myself about
It makes me dead inside.
I see what I've become
But I don't see a way out
I feel restless and captive
The fear holds me tightly bound
So I choose to ignore my fate.
I am ashamed, yet so indifferent
And this fury continues to build
I am surrounded by many
But so alone in all I know
Is there no one to listen?
This place is so stagnant
I think it must be hell
I dare to look up
To search for the beauty
Of simple understanding
To the wonder of being understood.
And there is nothing
Only my thoughts of desolation.
The petrifying barriers of fear
The anger of remaining inert.
The desire for timelessness.
The hope for something more real.
