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 Through The Eyes Of A Poet...

What Do You See Then?


I'm trying to be honest and open,
and explain the way it is for me,
Open my heart, and make a start,
on conveying what I am...what you see.
We've chatted of many things you and I,
and touched on things I've never divulged,
But you take the time and you understand,
and offer your shoulders for me to indulge.

So here I am at 2-30am...
setting my thoughts to rhyme,
I know I'll send it to you,
cos you're my friend, so good and fine.
We chatted tonight in-depth,
of my life and things and stuff,
You know my inner thoughts and feelings,
and your ears have helped me through the rough.

So here I am, sitting thinking,
of the kind of life that I wish I'd had,
But too late for me, says she…
for too long I've been feeling sad.
We can't change what's past and gone,
and my future can't be altered,
For so long has she...been left forlorn?  
As through life she's stumbled and faltered.

When I sit and think of my life before,
and the wasted years...oh, the pain it invokes,
Boils and rises inside my throat,
and slowly, but surely it chokes...
You say to me my life will get better,
and you insist that things will improve,
But not for me it won't, because...
I've lived too long in a fine, thin groove.
I'm not a sympathy person,
and I know what's ahead in my life,
Nothing alters, nothing's changed,
I will always run and hide from my strife!

So I'm sitting here thinking,
about the wasted years of my life,
And for them I cry an ocean of tears,
and for all the heartache, pain and strife!
What can I say, where do I start?  
Where the hell do I begin?
Well, really it makes no matter,
because I lost, I didn't win!
Therein lies a great daft heart,
I was pushed and tossed aside,
And this lost love of a saddened woman,
for a past she has to hide.
It wasn't my fault, not at all,
and I will never take the blame,
For what happened to me wasn't fair,
but still I hide my shame.

I ran from a past full of nightmares,
pushed them to the recess of my mind,
And there they stayed, buried deep,
for the memories are truly unkind.

I'm sitting here crying softly,
hating my past with a saddened heart,
So burdened am I, no wonder I cry,
because I don't know where to start!
I have my dreams and ideals like others,
but for me it's over before its begun,
The clocks been ticking away my good years,
and that time is all over and done.

So I'm sitting here softly crying,
trying to explain how I feel inside,
But all I can do, with a heavy heart,
is keep running and trying to hide.
I'm a truly very shy person,
and though I know you disagree,
Trust me it's the truth of the matter,
I'm a very insecure person you see.
But you know my inner thoughts and feelings,
more than anyone will ever know,
For the smile that's plastered upon my face...
is sometimes put there just for show!
So I'm sitting here thinking,
about what we discussed about me and my strife,
And the more I think, the more I'm sad,
thinking of a wasted life!

I wish I was a stronger person,
wished I'd had the courage to walk away...
A long time ago, instead of now,
when it's much too late in the day!
But I didn't, so it's my own fault too,
I let the years roll on by,
What a wasted life I've lived,
it's no wonder it is that I cry.
What do you see then...?  
But that's a daft question to ask,
Because you see me, the real me,
the one without the mask!
To you I've bared my soul,
and do I regret it, not at all,
You are my gentle giant, my Saint,
who's always there to make that call!

So no matter what's ahead in my life,
can't be any worse than before,
Because I have the love of you in my life,
of that I'm very sure!
With you I can be myself,
and that's a great feeling for me,
So I hold you forever in my heart,
and forever in my life you'll be.
Did this convey my feelings and thoughts?  
Did I explain myself at all to you?
Try as I might, if I took all night,
I couldn't even if I tried to do!
I don't know how I feel myself tonight?  
I'm sad and confused you see,
No matter how I try to explain,
I can never make it what I want it to be.

You asked me to write the words down tonight,
and one day you're determined to see...
Me eat those words, one at a time,
but I can't see that happening to me!
When the years have rolled on by like they have,
when a person lives a life like I had,
Knowing nothing of things today...
nothing can come good, from bad.
So you see, I know how it is,
and I know how it's going to stay,
But I'm not worried or fretting,
I'm not wasting another day!

So no matter what happens in my life,
no one can ever take my smile,
This is me, the one you see,
and I'm capable of that one last mile!
I tried to put into words for you,
what I couldn't explain...
So in a nutshell, here it is,
I can't go down 'that' road again!
Fear and naivety is a funny thing,
it eats at the heart of you,
Until all you have is an empty shell,
in that, you don't know what to do!

You know what's really strange?  
We chat about this and that,
And with you I'm not really shy
I think I'm getting to be a cheeky cat!
A day in the life of Catherine,
written down in my own little way,
Set to poetry, just for you,
you know, you really make my day!

So like a feather on a breeze,
and on the sea of time,
I'm sending all my love,
to my friend so good and fine.

You know what...?  I feel better already, I do,
Getting all that off my chest, and that's all down to you!

You're My Rock...

All my love,

Catherine

XXXXXXXXX
© Catherine Inglesby 2002







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