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Weathering the Storm

It started out about the weather; when I got the courage to talk to he.  There was just something about her.  I knew if we got together I'd never doubt her and we'd be together forever… no matter the weather.  However, this wasn't even a date and I'm entertaining notions of her being my mate
          A few days later we had our first date.  Every since then there's been this feelin' that came so mutually there should be a you and me that when the time came, it just felt so natural for me to call you wifey.
          So what it took three yrs, seven months, and six days for you to be know as Mrs. Jak'ki Joel Johnson.  You just officially became to everyone what you've been to me all along.
          As we enjoyed our wedded bliss, misery blew her dreaded kiss and my wife was stricken with a condition I can't quite recall, but she didn't have long to live at all.
          She felt bad a lot… especially lately.  The idea of making love was always shaky.
          One day she'd been feeling better, the question wasn't: “Should we be together?”  It was more like: “Now's our chance, so we better.”  Two weeks later we receive a pregnancy letter.  She wasn'r feeling that much better.  While in our hearts we truly glad to see the letter, in our hearts we knew better.  The pregnancy would kill her or them both.  And our child won't be healthy and strong.  His or her problems would last life long; if he/she made it to live so long.
          With her faith she decided, all would be well if God provided.  However, I was less decided to take the chance God or not provided, but I supported her decision full, I didn't understand in the same degree.  She said it would be her greatest testemnt of love to me.  I protested and said it was unnecessary, she said: “I know I'm going to leave you, but alone is too scary, so, I feel it's quite necessary.”
          For most of the pregnancy she was strong.  Some scary times did come along, but now, here we are twelve wks before the due date and her doctor comes in late.  He marches in like an Oompaloompa or a Munchkin from Oz and instructs us to start lamas.
          After a while I shout, “He's crowning honey.  I see his hair.  Push baby, push, you're almost there.”  Her cries pierced me to the soul, but she could relax now, the rest was in Gods control.  Suddenly there was a high pitched tone from one of the controls.  My lovers' eyes go blank, then close.
          “We gotta flatline!”  I heard a distant voice say.  I scrambled about to get out of the way.  An hour later (or well on its way) I eventually heard another voice say: “There's nothing you can do doctor.  She's too far away.”
          I broke down to my knees.  She can't be gone.  She hasn't even seen our son.
          The doctor exits the O.R.  Opened his mouth, but didn't get far.
“I know my wife was a strong willed woman.  I don't need you to gently tell me something.”  I said to him as I rose to my feet.
“She's gone I'm sorry.  We met every standard we could meet” The doctors' words cleared me off my feet.
My heart shattered in my chest and maybe not literally, that's just how it felt to me, but life wasn't finished with its emotional assault on me.  My son and I were in and out of the hospital constantly from some rare disease that even in its slight degree could be fatal to my legacy.  Finally, at about age three, life took another love from me.
For two yrs after that day on I didn't know what was going on, mostly my auto-pilot was on and I didn't feel much of what was going on.  My wife was gone, my son was too.  I find myself not knowing what to do.
Now here I am contemplating suicide; with my firearm by my side I cocked the hammer to let it ride.  I placed the barrel to my temple… left side, but something touched me inside.
This is a terrible heartache, true, but this isn't something they'd want me to do.
I have to go on and maintain.  There is a lesson to be gained and if I don't learn it their deaths will have been in vain.
Well, five yrs, eleven months, and eighteen days after my son passed on I eventually started seeing someone.  Now by the grace of God, fate, or sheer human error, my pick up

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