You often over think of life
Often in an alternate reality
I inherited an illness from my Grandfather may he rest in the most peace
After steroids i saw a decade of absence
I enjoyed my life as much as possible
It turned out at the tender age of 18 i saw this return
I have struggled and it has been hard for me in my life
But i am grateful
People say i got no life and i am whatever they say i am
It doesn't bother me
They say i am lazy coz i am a big girl
They say i am on the lookout coz my first two relationships didn't succeed
Its not easy to live with epilepsy
But this illness is out of Gods mercy He tests those he loves
I can handle this and so i am under this test
I cannot work, but its not stopping me living life
I still try and be the best friend i can be and the best daughter and sister anyone could have
I am not perfect and life is difficult for me without people making it worse
I cannot have surgery the structure of my brain is fine
Its just my nervous system over reacts as the electricity increases causing me absent seizures or epileptic ones
I sometimes have to go to hospital i am on medication
I am under the epilepsy clinic, but there is nothing wrong with me i am normal human being with a few things disabling me to work
Does that mean i am not normal
Yeah i can have problems, but i have a good heart and people just need to understand i also suffer PCOS it can trigger off some terrible mood swings as my medication
I checked the side effects, but its a matter of checking where this horrible feeling is from
Is it my PCOS or my medication or just people who make me feel so low for having to be cared for
I sometimes cry at my past my relationships haven't been so successful
For starters i was with a man in the absent period and within a year it came as a shock
I thought he'd love me in sickness and in health, but i was attention seeking according to him and after 4 years it ended
The next time i was just used and abused and it was horrible
I am always taken advantage of, but i know my real friends and those who stand by me
I don't even want a man at the moment and now nasty rumours circulated the net so its a world hit wonder
The most evil thing is half the neighbourhood actually believe it which sickens me the only ones who don't are the ones who know me well
The others wish they knew me
I don't stand by selling myself in disgrace
In future i hope to meet a good decent sweet hearted, gentle, kind loving gentleman who wouldn't
I'd like him to understand and to care for me and to have fun and be my friend
I'd love to start a life i am afraid now from these two tragic heart breaks
I hope i meet someone i can trust who won't lie like the other ones who will really be my companion
Whatever the rumours people can believe whatever about me
I don't drive i was going to and this coming back i'd rather never learn
Don't need to pollute the enviroment and public transport is as good as gold and healthier
If i need a driver i can get one i know alot of really wonderful, helpful and respectful people
Studying was difficult with having absence seizures, but i want to learn and i will i just want a break for now until i sort out my emotional pains which tend to get in the way
It will take me sometime, but i will keep doing what i can and keep making dua to the Al mighty and He will help me
I will keep praying and keep living the righteous way
I'll try and be everything, but perfect coz that i can never be
I just hope people understand its not my intention to hurt anyone
But the stress can be an overload and i don't even know where it comes from so people often say what stress
Its me i often bottle things, but i never hold grudges
People need to show me some empathy and i hope people forgive me if i ever upset them coz i am not perfect
I don't want to die in debt or unforgiven and i really wish people will forgive me
I am happy with my life even if i do have epilepsy and PCOS and whatever illness will come my way
I have a chance of not having a child, but a chance i can
So i will pray if its meant to be if it is not i know i will have a burden waiting for me in heaven
