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 Self Truths

I Need To Find It

Time is rushing by in my mind
I can't focus on anything right now
There are no words for what I need to do
Nothing that I've been taught to help me now
I can't explain why
But I need time
Time is my enemy and
I need time to find what I want
I'm too young to know just what I'm feeling
I'm too old to just go around saying
What you want me to say
I can't hold onto this disguise any longer
I'm not going to be with you any more
But I will always care about you
I've felt this way once before
She walked away from me
But I know why now
Young love was never something I had
I want something I can never have
I can't lie any longer
You need to find that which you want
I need to find, not a girl, not a guy
I need to find no one but myself
I've been lying for far too long
I'm not gay
I'm not straight
I'm not even bisexual
I can't be with anyone
I won't be with anyone
I need to be alone for a while
I need to find out who I am
You think you know me
But you don't
Because I do not know myself
I'll never be the man anyone wants
I'll only be myself
I'll never be perfect
I'll never be totally right
I've got problems to deal with
I need to find time to correct my problems
I've got things to do
I've seen things you wouldn't believe
But nowhere is there room for anyone
No, not even you
I can no longer love anyone
Because I'm not good at being good
Love is for those with a pure heart
Never was I ever pure
I've never considered being faithful
It just happened that way
Once I followed through with my desire
I hurt people because I feel I have to
The Gem was the start of my torment
The Flower was the push off the edge
I'm lost in my desire
I'm lost without my pain
I was taught to respect life and that is what I shall remember
But I must forget you all
I must walk on in the darkness and into my light
This path was never to be mine
I will find my way through the darkness
Towards the fire in my eyes
So that I can finally see with out it in my way
I need to find my Soul
I need to find my Heart
I need to find my Light
I need to find my Truth
I need to find whatever is truly right for me

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