It starts out with saying something nice
And buying her a drink, 'Whiskey, no ice'
I say to her "I really like your dress."
But she replays, "Sorry. I'm an actress"
So i say, "Oh but i am a Thespian!"
In which she replies "Yes, but I'm a lesbian!"
I saw this other girl at a gig
I met her outside, having a cig
I asked her if she liked the band?
But then i notice a ring on her hand
She said "Yeah the bands really great"
"But I'm married, sorry mate!"
I knew this girl, she was my friend
Then she met someone and that was the end
I told her that i had always liked her
But she said i was like her brother
So i tried to be a friend again
But she was too busy with her boyfriend, Ben!
I sometimes meet girls at the bar
But then i drink too much Stella
The real me gets merged with the drunk me
And i start acting really silly
So the girls go home
And i do too, but alone!
I sometimes talk to girls online
Which for a while seems real fine
We write things and give nice smiles
Except they live away from me, a 1000 miles!
Online stuff is in all the head
And never, ever in my bed!
The worse ones are when you meet
In the supermarket, or on the street
A passing sexual attraction goes by
And although at times i really try
It all ends with nothing
That's why i tell my mates ....
I'm a real Studmuffin!!