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 131. Giving up Sanity
I'm ready to crack.

Katie did.
Why can't I?
She's considered
Enlightened,
Though she wouldn't
Say so.

Neither would I.

Some would say
It's a healthy dose
Of fear.
Afraid of where
I am going
To live.
Afraid of how
To pay the bills.
Some strange sense
Of concern,
For the scary
What if's.

I'm standing on
The edge,
Giggling madly
Alternating with
Crying from fear
&
Crying from laughter.

Katie would ask me
If any of it
Was true,
And laugh
At me for being
So serious.

I'm deliriously close
To joining her
In that oblivion.

Why do I want to be
Like everyone
Else?
Reasonable?
Really?
Playing it safe?
Me?

Would the world
Be more happy
If I joined them
In their sane
Misery?

If giving up sanity
Means giving up
My worry
Over things
I can't control,
I think
That sounds
Like happiness
Not insanity.

I'm laughing
Madly again
Thinking about
Sane misery…
Keep your
Worry…
I don't like
How it feels
In my chest
Anyway.

Ok Katie
My Pied Piper!!!
Dance, sing & lead on
Into the unknown
Where we will
Delight
In all we find,
Because it is better
Than being
Upset
Or disappointed
In anyone's
Expectations
Ours
Or other's.

I can hear the
Faeries cheering
As if my choice
Just made
The world of
Possibilities and dreams
Larger somehow.

Instead of being
Worried,
I am just open
To what happens.

Instead of being
Afraid,
I am just open
To the joy
Of being on a
Grand Adventure.

I remember
When I was young
And my father
Threatened me
With punishment
Of taking away
All I had
&
Grounding me
To my room.
I swore that day
That he couldn't
Take away
My imagination
& thereby
My ability
To be happy.

I forgot,
Until
Just
Now.

The feeling of freedom
Reminded me
I had this
Once before.

No one really
Wants me
To be like them,
For even
If misery
Loves company,
They still
Don't want to
Loose hope,
& I am
Nothing
But proof
It isn't
Dead.


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