I have not been able to weep for you.The tears are waiting, but I willnot let myself, go to them.It is like I am afraid, if I were tolet them flow freely, I would never be ableto find a way, to stop them from falling.You left us with so many questions.Questions, I know I need to let go of,for there will never be a way,to know the true answers.But ....I cannot find the remote controlthat would stop them from playingwithin my heart.We loved you so much, but you wouldnot let us be a part of you.A phone call to tell you we loved you,was all that we were allowed.You took who only started out to be friend,and it was he, who became your child.It was we, who were left behind.For six years, we played by your unspoken rules,just to be assured, we would continue tohear you say, "I Love You"Now that you are gone,we are left to wonder what you were told?What you were somehow led to believe.We listened as you praised Normanfor all he did for you.He always seemed to care for you deeply,at least for our eyes to see.God help me, I believe, the onewho called you Mommy, had more in sight,than your immediate care.God forgive me, if I am wrong,but we are beginning to find true,all we knew we would one day find.If you are able to look down upon us now,I pray that everything has become clear to you.No matter what you may have let yourself believe,or what you were led to believe,we always loved you, and we always will love you.Why will the tears not come?Where are the tears?Perhaps, they will be spread over time,as I try to find a way, to put to restall the questions, and be ableto grieve finally, for you,the Mother I love.I know we could have done no more,but I so wish somehow, there wouldhave been a way, to make you seewithout loosing you.It was all about not loosing you.It is time that each of us, find a way tocloseure, within this very sad love story.I love you Mom.We love you Mom.Why do I post this for all to see?I really don't know.March 19, 2010Judy CollinsSend In The Clowns
Where Are The Tears?
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