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 170. Painfully Aware
Yes my love
I'm human.
No you aren't
The first
Human to tell me.
Every time
I get a migraine
I'm painfully
Reminded
How human
And limited
I am.

Every time
Something bounces
In my bank account
And I get
That nice little
Charge that
Sends me
Careening over
Into negative
Space,
Those all too
Human feelings
And limitations
Smack me in
The face
With such a
Resounding force
That I cannot help
But become
Painfully aware
Of what you
Are trying
To tell me.

My life
Is often
A push and pull
Between amazing
And the void
My art
My poetry
Or any other
Expression of the
Divine
Including my continued
Breath and heartbeat
Is as fleeting
And delicate
As a piece
Of chalk art
On the pavement
Temporary
& at the mercy
Of the Elements.

Every time
I get sick
I have a choice
Of deciding just
How tired I am
Of being here
And fighting
For the scraps
I get…

No one can
Heal a broken heart.

No one can heal
The one who has lost
The will to live.

Every moment
Is my gift.
It is an extension
Because I was
Told I was going
To die young…

My art
My poetry
Or any other
Thing I do here
On this Earth
I don't get
To keep.

People won't remember
Anything other
Than what
I leave behind.
Even then
They will only
Make
Guesses
& will
Really
Actually
Never know.

Looking down
At the brick
With my name
Engraved
From 20 years
Ago…
I saw that
None of that
Achievement
Matters…
No painting
No gift
No talent
Matters…
It was the expression
Of the divine
In that space
And time,
And time
Will take back
What was given.

All that matters
Is right now
And how
I made someone
Feel,
Good
Bad
Indifferent…
Because that
Is what they
Will take with
Them past
This world.

I know
I am not
The Master.

I am only
The brush
In her hand.

How can I be
Superior?
I am the one
With no where
To live,
I am to one
Who loves all
And has none
Who is her own.
I am the one
With a negative
Bank account
And some change
In her pocket…
So really how
Does that superior
Thing come off?

I am painfully aware
That I have to
Watch my thoughts
Lest the same
Negativity
That threatens to
Overwhelm all
Human beings
Overwhelms
Me.

But I also
Am aware
Of the fact
That everyone
Is the Divine
Made manifest,
And just because
You think
None of us
Are special
Because it's
All the divine
And we who act
On their behalf
Are nothing
Without it
I have to
Respectfully
Agree
To disagree.

My Beloved
And I
Are a part
Of a symbiotic
Relationship.

True.
If I died today
Which I have
Considered
A possibility
Because I don't
Control other
Drivers
Or circumstances,
Then people
Would be sad
For a blink
In time
And the muse
Would move
On to someone else.
She always does
Because
The Divine Conversation
Is always going on..
And on..
No matter
Who lives
Or dies.

Before there
Were humans
The conversation lived
And after the
Humans
The conversation
Will continue…
So in that
Absolutely HUGE
Span of time,
You are right…

I am nothing
Special.


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