I had this dream or a nightmare?
Soon you will find out.
Let me tell you what's in my mind.
There's a girl.
She's young, her long hair curls to where she is the image of purity of heart.
But just listen before you believe your eyes.
She years a white dress and her eyes show a shine that you think they were diamonds.
She is sitting in a corner looking through a keyhole.
You move closer, you walk up the stairs.
She turns and looks at you.
She's changed now she is the image of a skinny teen with too much eyeliner, a black ensemble and strange scars all over her.
Those beautiful ringlets?
Pulled in a bun with bangs that cover her innocent face.
You lock eyes.
All of a sudden you are in a room painted red and she sees you through the keyhole.
The room spins you around to a memory only death could give justice to.
There's a blade, and you know exactly what it's for.
You look to your right and you see darkness but you can hear laughter and smell the stinge of cigs.
You turn and you see a girl in her room talking to herself
Making herself laugh.
She takes a hit from the butt, looks over at the clock and see's its three am.
And no one is around but her and her mind.
She curls up in her bed and cries herself to sleep and you feel the burn in your heart as you realize this girl is alone.
Completely.
You flash to another scene.
It's the same girl but yet again she changes.
She's now older, her body is developed to curse a man with lust and its cover in a shine of sweat.
She turns to light a cig as you see she is naked in a mess of sheets.
Her face is still young, but her soul is old and you see the exhaustion in her eyes.
That shine that was there has dulled.
It now is the reflection of the light.
She sighs and her shoulders slump.
You blink.
But there's nothing.
Only darkness.
But you feel so much pain that you must be dying.
You feel your face, your chest, all the way down to your wrists.
That's where you feel it.
The sticky, warm ruby blood smeared all your arms.
You gag.
You feel vomit covered pills try to make their way up your throat.
You try to swallow but it's no use.
They explode out.
Your eyes flash open.
You see a white ceiling with nurses and doctors all around you.
The sound of the world is like a fog in your ear drums.
But you see the panic in their eyes relax as you puke out the enemies of your stomach.
A rush of sound comes.
But just as you hear the heart machines beep, you slip into another memory.
You're in the bedroom from before.
But now you're the one on the bed.
You feel the razor slice into your precious skin-you can't stop it.
It's bleeding now.
There's blood everywhere.
You feel exhaustion take hold of your eyelids.
You fall onto the pillows.
You know you must get up.
WAKE UP you scream silently to yourself.
But you feel yourself smile at the utter peace you feel.
A dream begins.
You're now the girl, older now with a look of zombie.
You see your eyes in the mirror, brown, decayed, empty.
Those beautiful curls now flop to your shoulders with no life in them.
You look down.
You're wearing the same white dress you were as a child, but now its covered in smears of blood and tar.
But you feel your body-and you can't find the wound any where.
What happened?
In panic you look back in the mirror.
Tears.
Tears stream down your face
Tears of pain, release, and exhaustion.
Your tears of blood fall down your cheeks.
You stand and stare.
Was there a point to all this?
You turn on the shower, and still in the dress, crawl in a ball on the shower floor.
You cry.
Cry.
Cry.
Cry.
You feel the burn in your eyes, you know now there are no more tears.
No more pain, release or exhaustion.
Now there is only sleep.
You close your eyes.
Darkness.
You wake up.
You're in a bed, warm with body heat and the arms of a man that you know loves you is wrapped tightly around your body.
There's light from the morning sky, and you can hear a song bird in the distance.
You get up, careful not to disturb your love, and search for a mirror.
You know this room.
This time.
This moment.
You feel the familiarity seep into your bones.
You look into the mirror.
That shine has returned.
So much that the sun shining through doesn't even compare.
You laugh.
The feeling feels good in your throat.
You pull your hair down
The curls are long, longer then you thought.
They shine and bounce like a child's lullaby.
Everything is perfect.
But wait!!
What about the blood?
The pain.
The exhaustion.
You look down to your wrists, now covered with bracelets.
You pull them down,
Only to reveal lines on your pale wrists.
But they are not fresh.
There is no familiar burn of pain beating from your wrists.
Only scars.
And you remember now how you received them…
You look yourself in the mirror.
You smile, you know now that all that was a dream.
Or a nightmare?
You go back to bed, and curl inside your loves arms
And you feel the happiness bubble up inside you.
You smile.
And you secretly pray that that dream….
