"Tell me words
Don't hurt
Like bullets!!!!!
You must not be
Human."
She screamed
She cried
She beat my chest…
"To stand there
And be ridiculed
To be
Judged
And say you feel
Nothing!"
Tears streaming down
Her face,
Salty and hot.
I didn't feel
Nothing…
I held her
I waited
Until her anger
And shame
Subsided like
Waves on the
The rocky shores
Who stood patiently
Everyday…
So I did.
"I feel sadness"
I whispered between
Her softening sobs,
"But not for myself
Or even you,
But for them."
Them.
They.
The others.
Those who judge.
"It's because
They are scared
Afraid of the dark
And what awaits them
On the other side
Of their collective
Fears…
The monster
Of their own
Making."
She gripped my
Shirt tighter in her fists
Buried her forehead
In my chest.
"I'm just
The movie screen."
Her head began to roll
Side to side
Growing in intensity
A "No" that could
Be felt
More than
Heard.
"So when
They yell
And scream
At me…
I know it is
The Movie
They are commenting
On.
Not me.
Not you.
Not our love."
She sobbed openly
Now…
Her heaving
Against my body
Felt,
With every racking
Shudder.
"I have been
Where they are
Sending me."
Dead.
Death.
To Die.
"And I know
There is love
And peace there,
So how can I be
Angry for someone
Sending me
To a place
Of beauty
That I love?"
"Because!
Because it hurts
Because it's not
Just me
It hurts
But all of us
Who love you!
You go to beauty!?!
While we
We live in the hell
Of their creation!"
I held her SO
Tightly,
Firm like
The earth
Beneath all feet,
Forever present,
But taken
For granted…
She hit me
Pathetically…
Like one
Who has given
Up,
But has to do
Something
No matter
How meaningless…
I kissed her closed
Eyes.
Gently.
Tenderly.
Slowly.
Like time
Stretched out
Just for us.
"This isn't meaningless.
But my life
Given to the mob
May save
Someone else…
Far from
Here and
Now…"
I pretended
That this woman
Who Loved me
Would go on…
That dying
This way
Would mean
Someone else
Would live
Because
Maybe if
I died,
One more kid
On the bloodied hands
Of Fundamentalist sadism
Would mean
Someone else
Didn't have
To die…
It was a pretty dream
I imagined
As I watched the
Blood swirl
In the hot water…
My parting
Thought…
Was the face
Of my executioners
Being robbed
Of the pleasure
To take
What was never
Theirs…
