When I only saw one set of footprints you were carrying me,
We dated shortly after the loss of my pregnancy.
You were glowing with so much positive energy,
And you always made the time for me.
You were warm and caring and we were having so much fun,
We were soon to go on two holidays and headed for the sun.
I loved to watch you smiling; you surprised me every day,
With romantic gifts and thoughtful cards to brighten up my day.
I felt a real connection; I had found a friend for life,
How dare you consider happiness spat the venom of misery & strife.
I felt as though the scripts had dropped and the cracks began to show,
And the person I felt connected too I really didn't know.
Conversations turned defensive; hostility began to grow,
I questioned where my friend had gone, feeling disappointed and low.
I felt confused, deceived, and cheated; I thought I knew this man,
But he made out that I was imagining it; I was the one he didn't know.
Suddenly I became the problem, as he pointed and accused,
He raised his once soft voice whilst he emotionally abused.
No idea how we had reached this point full of negativity and despair,
I felt lost in someone else's nightmare asking how I got there.
This place, it feels so damaging; a place where there is no care,
Just bitterness, negativity; and a hostile accusing glare.
The trust I have begun to question, and my barriers have all shot up,
You are no longer carrying me, did you notice that I had dropped?
Fight or flight is the question I ask…
After he unveils what's under his mask..
So confused and tired I retreat to my space,
As this is where I feel most safe.
My heart beat slows…
My breathing is shallow..
I sit back and close my eyes,
Thoughts racing through my head…
Full of questions, and full of why's?
When I only saw one set of footprints…
It was then that you failed to carry me…