ramblings and things

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sometimes they say you have to suffer
to get the benefits of the cure
but this radio therapy I think is almost
much more than I can endure
naked to the waist and more
vulnerable than I have ever been
face mask screwed to the table to
hold my head stable to the machine

for precision X-rays to
beam down into my brain
as the claustrophobia strikes
and I struggle to keep sane
not to tear that restraining mask
away from my ashen face
but I fight the panic
and leave it in place

and the sickness and fatigue
after every short session
symptoms that last and last
whose severity doesn't lessen
and I really don't think its worth
the discomfort and despair
though it may extend my life
I just no longer care

and I have told the radio therapists
that any minute mortality I may gain
just isn't anymore worth the indignity
of the constant nausea and its pain
now every day is precious
and I live it to my best
for I am never certain
how soon will be my last

This is not me; this is my wife who continues to fight with courage and dignity, and for the last year has been, and continues, to be an example and inspiration to us all.
We value every minute.

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