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Upside down…


YES, IT'S LONG, BUT MAY BE VITAL INFO FOR YOU-

PLEASE, PLEASE READ IT ALL!!!!

I'm upside down writing this rhyme,
Doesn't matter how long it takes, I've got the time!
Drugged up to the eyeballs to ease this pain,
I can hardly bear it, I'm going insane!
So forgive any errors, I'm a little drugged up,
My delete button's wearing out, oh my overflowing cup!!
I have a few problems with my spine, just a lot,
Had I been a horse I'd have been shot!

So I have epidurals into my spine,
To help my sciatica, and make it feel fine!
Now there was a problem that I didn't know about,
And when the head pain hit, I gave an almighty shout!
It isn't a headache, oh no, it's far from that!
Indescribable it what it is, it knocked me flat!
The pain is excruciating, believe that to be true,
I would never want it to happen to you!

I didn't know there were risks of paralysis and stuff,
No one had told me, now I'm in the rough!!
The procedure went wrong, LORD help me, and badly so,
There's now a hole in my spinal cord, and CSF does flow!!
I writhe in total agony with a pain I really can't stand,
Trying to get to get through each second; this wasn't planned!
The idea was, get ease of pain, but it went wrong; you see,
And this is how my life is, I think I'm stuck now, this is me,

No tablets of any kind will help this excruciating pain!
In future I'll suffer, but an epidural? Never again!!!
So I am lay on my back flat on my bed, it's not nice!
Eat lying down, on just porridge and rice,
Fed from a spoon like a baby by my hubby,
God blessed me with him, and I am so lucky!
At my beck and call, putting up with me,
Blinded by love, and hurt by what he'll see!

The spinal cord has a hole which the fluid gets out!
I could have been paralysed, there is no doubt!
So flat for a week, cos they can't fix it for a week,
It's far too dangerous and havoc it will wreak
So till Monday the 21st when it has to be done again,
The very thought of that, is driving me insane!
He'll have to put the epidural back inside my spine,
Which is terrifying me, I'm having a terrible time!

He has to remove my blood and plug up the hole,
Make it clot to keep the fluid inside, that's the goal!!
But now the spine is in distress, I think its worse,
The pain is unbearable, it's a bit like a curse!
But I don't think this can be fixed, because never again…
…Will I have this done, the thought drives me insane!!
Once it is plugged up I am told the pain in my head-
Should subside and get better, or I'll live in dread!

I've never once said that throughout my life
That I'd rather be dead and out of this strife!
But to my shame, I said it at the time with this pain,
And after that I asked God to ignore me, I'm insane!
Thank God He did, cos I don't really want to be dead!
I just want this pain in my spine to go, and this pain in my head!!
But when I go through this procedure, all I'll do is pray…
That no more damage occurs and it will be ok!

I don't want to be paralysed, I just want to be well,
And I guess we'll know soon, cos Monday will tell!
My poor specialist went sick, he was so very sad,
Told me he was sorry, and meant it, I'm glad!
Cos he's a caring fellow, and that meant a lot,
And at the end of the day, we are stuck with our lot!!
I said it was ok, not his fault, cos it's true!
‘Cath, it ‘is' my fault!' He said; but I said it's not true!

He's done this forever, he's great at his job,
Given me pain relief for years, and put up with me gob!
Chatting his head off, and doing his head in till it rings,
So I said not to worry, it's just one of those things!
I'd put my life in his hands, this has to he said,
But no one touches my spine again, cos of the pain in my head!
I wouldn't go through it again, I'd rather live in my chair!
And when the time comes round again, I really won't care!

I hope it doesn't come to that, but I think it will!
Cos my pain's out of control, and not eased with a pill.
Well to a point it is, but with my spine,
I get to the point I can't walk, so the chair and me will be fine!
So if you're a believer, please say a prayer for me,
The thing is this, I'm petrified you see!!

***********
The chair's just an extension of my legs to get me about!
I'm not ashamed, and I don't care!
Cos there is no shame in me!!!

So please, please, please guys,
If you're having an epidural, ASK the risks!
Cos I didn't know, wasn't told…
Please don't end up like me.
We learn from our ignorance...
I've learnt the hard way!!

Can I be fixed, I doubt it?
Too many spinal problems.
Maybe this is the last straw?
BUT IT WON'T BE THE ONE THAT BREAKS MY BACK!!
Got a lot of living to do yet!!!

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