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DREAM SEARCH (revised)

Today I search
one dream of yesterday to find;
rewind the encore in my mind
restore Vavaldi's melody
his score of muse to memory.
Applaud an ode to soul discovered
the day I met with my beloved.

For now my tortured body cries
molting my emotional skies;
the strings I hear of violins
sobbing, scratched and
diamond thinned,
familiar discords played so long
their warped recordings
raped my song!

My shell a mold of clay was thrown
inside a kiln of Kelvin stone,
trapped to shape a mutant clone
I bear twin faces; yet alone
"Jeckle-Hyde" prescription prone.

"To be or not to be..." the question
I am or I am not in session,
either/or needs re-digestion
fighting illness, caged  regression!

This plight of pain
I run to distance,
blurry eyed by its existence,
nonetheless a mind persistent
behind dark lenses, scratch resistant.

Grief is mine and with good reason
I am alone inside its treason.

But first to face the ebbs of woe
the life of bane so long ago
contorted trails of imagery's
jails of childhood memories
(where was I to go?).

Hansel/Gretel's crumbs of bread
flocks of birds pecked up their thread,
lost and hungry children tread
to a house of gingerbread.
"Ah, the story," mother said,
"happy ending just ahead."
Sweet expectations led astray
as disappointments paved each day.

Addiction was my father's flame
Contradiction, mother's game.
They,the keepers of my trials
the parents of my childhood bane;
with/without them I was lost
as absently I went insane!

I lied about 'absently'
I begged a wish so fervently
to find a gentle fairy tale
with happy endings always told
of those who found the Holy Grail! >
Yet, today I search to find
the one dream lost
that soothed my mind;
restored the broken bones I bore
behind the secret shroud I wore
and filled my heart with treasured seeds
that grew to save my withered needs
with Love more valuable than gold,
His presence on this earth foretold.

Even so, I lost my way
A sad refrain I'm shamed to say.

And so again I search to find
something that which was divine
inside the comfort of my sleep
the One and only dream I seek
my God to know
and ever keepů

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