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 A New Woman

WHAT WON'T KILL YOU WILL ONLY MAKE YOU STRONGER


Everything starts to fall back into place
I felt our relationship from estranged aback to pro
I didn't meet many grandparents, i lost one, i lost a father and many uncles, aunts and cousins
Yet we are strong because we never give in

I rewind my mind back to the days when we all cuddled for comfort
The loss of a great father and husband yet a great mother you was
It was just me you and my little brother
We were so happy we still had you
Until some time awol hit over rails
I didn't like the new people you had met on the move
We left for one simple reason its not you its people
The envy of our home and our life they knew us better than we knew our selves
You hadn't a clue and the trust in them led to want
The independent mom i loved that you was had began to fade watching these women telling you what to do

You could have done it i know it wasn't easy being alone, but what did i know!
I was just a child so your tears were hurtful to me...  

Horrid place with all these new people i lost my little brother he was my best friend EVER
It would still be me and him and the guys as the tomboy i was
Yet i was alone and i really struggled, but you too busy i can't blame you that you didn't notice what i had to go through

Tears welling up every night you seemed to handle the grief so well, i had to do so much and grow up quickly and all alone
It felt like i had nobody sometimes and my sisters were phonecalls away and one was busy and not living with us
My other brother trapped with the wife and the kids  
He struggled like nobody would ever know unless you sat down with him and people who knew him
He had only  daughter and a son, but one wasn't well so it was very difficult for him
He really struggled to get to where he is now
Yet i must say i am so proud of my brother having seen how he struggled and suffered just like me
So its given me a ray of hope and why shouldn't Allah open up my eyes to what patience can really do


I had no friends, no good school, my brother had friends, all of them were really nice, sweet, funny and kind...
Some were shy yet they eventually opened up and best of all they stood by him
Through thick and thin the open road or the high road even though i missed being his best friend
He needed his guy time and totally understood that, well we did wrestle and i pulled his finger to be farted on
You got a love a brother and sister joke have you not


I hated school, i couldn't talk to you about anything or the bullying you never helped me with anything
So many faults in one parent, but i loved you
I wasn't perfect how many faults can we find in eachother, but a machine does as its told
Humans have to change

I was so grateful for the food and you doing things for me i seemed to forget alot of the time
Nah i remember when dad died and you always took us on coaches to the beaches and holiday resorts sat on benches because you didn't like rides
Don't worry mom i'd never forget your sweet kindness i love you

I loved how you defended me up until this day
We went through so much together


What you couldn't be there for there always came a way from the dear Al-mighty
I am not saying it was good a person in the family had post-natel depression, but if she wasn't there i could have died taking my own life
from the heartache inside IT WAS A MIRACLE
Allah didn't want me to die or take my life which is forbidden
He works in mysterious ways and with her being so ill i was able to help her and she listened to me
If i babbled on she would listen and comfort me affectionately just like my father did may he rest in peace

We prayed together and the more i was in touch with my religion the more of a woman i became
I became stronger and i felt better and beautiful inside
I felt insecure in alot of myself, but this is why i forgive you and wish you heaven you're my mother
You might have not been on top, but you tried your best
I wasn't perfect i was a nightmare the Pms was awkward as the therapy unfolded and the grief
Now i am a grown woman i have to put up with the shouting and ranting i just sit and cry hoping that someday everything will be alright
 
Why do you think i am still here crying and holding on while i pick up the pieces i am wondering who will be next or is this is the end because this is the second time around  with this one
Also i know if i took care of you the reward i will get from my Lord, everyone asks me to pray and make dua for them
I never quite understood why up until my wise TedyBro had told me
That a man wanted to go and help his country, but the prophet told him to stay home and take care of his mother
So here i am just like the man in the great story i am awaiting by my moms side and not walking away
I am here and i am beloved by my dear Lord for having pushed my wants aside to help my mother
 
It is so difficult sometimes your talks are all through shouting, but i put up with it for a quarter of a century so here goes
Remember the teenage years you only put up with four years of it because by 17 i was married and gone
I came back didn't i though you have been amazing things had fallen apart although i really wish it hadn't because me and him made a great team
The closed doors were for me and for him and hopefully i wish him the best of his life here and in the next i can never forget him
It took a second to have a crush on him one minute to love him one day to know him and a lifetime it will take for me to forget

Family life isn't perfect, but the bonds and ties of kinship are powerful and unbreakable
I love you too much that i don't care i managed to cope didn't I
I try my best i am only human i can't be happy all the time nor can you
You're a human which is why i love you and appreciate what you did for me
You really took care of me ok you could have listened, but i was saved
I discover more of myself every single day and things i couldn't do i know i wouldn't do it because i would be weak
You have made me strong mom and i love you for that







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