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 JAY AND JOSH
Jay and Josh
They paid the cost
Of your abuse

One says, What's the use
I don't remember
The things you cry over, my mom
I don't feel bad or put upon
Now he is old
You forgive him
For kicking me to the ground
As at a year
I don't remember
So you forget too
That's what I ask of you.

Next says, you talk to me
As I remember him
Who kicked me in the ribs
Nice then cruel
He was a sadistic stepparent
And I can understand
How my mom suffered too
Under the gun of you know who.

We never know what to say
When the pain must leave our minds someway
We never know for sure
What affected them as her.

So it is better
Just to write
To get it out in the dark night
When others do not have to understand
We were cast down by one called man

Who really wasn't
More of a peasant
Who suffers now
Old and weak and powerless
While we are strong and do go on
Despite the anger that was too long

We ran away
Or prayed for days
Never to return again
To some hateful man who would pretend
We we good and we were kind
Until the door closed behind
Our house of hell

Where we were beat
All of the time
He thought it sweet
To make us cry
To take our love
To turn it into some kind of devil thing
Now he is gone, for that we sing

At least two of us recall the hateful man
Behind the wall
Taking taking taking
Our fun and youth away
Hope God forgives you
Because we're human and we've lost our way
Not being God or even his son
A big relief, when the abuser was done

We live our lives
We live our lives
Some remember
Some forget
Some don't want to hear our chint
But chint it was and chint it is
When a father beats his women and his children
Thinking that it's all okay
Because he is the man---

More like the devil
So glad one of these names does understand
No more upheaval
So glad for someone now a man...

Who sees
Who lived
Who remembered
How it felt to feel like dying
When he was only ten
And love was lying

Because love doesn't ask you about your
Day at school
Then kick you hard as it can

Because love doesn't make love to you
In the morning
Then throw a chair at you for using a different spoon for coffee

Anti love
You can be sure
It was from him

Slowly killed
Until the time
His real dad came
Took him away
It's the best thing
That happened to my adopted son, Jay

Now we can talk
I tell the truth
Often my real kids think I am uncouth
But I don't care
As they don't always see
The pretty girl of 22 he killed in me
The fear of men I so have now
The way I live alone to not have pain
Or even when I did go
To a psychologist so I would know
That I'm not crazy
It was just a ruse
Another way he could abuse
The young woman who was too naive
To not stand up to him and leave

It's what they ask time after time
"Why does she stay
I couldn't stay"
But then again
Maybe you will
If your babies are threatened to be his next kill
If he says he'll hunt you down
Take those kids, bury you in the ground
Now, all I can say to you
Is it is the way of one I knew
So long ago
Then comes again
To remind me why
It's the reason I sometimes cry
For no specific reason for the moment
The past comes back
There was his torment

Some say shut up
I will not
I speak of all the lies he taught
I will tell of all the hate
He left at my garden gate
The way he took his own children's things
Until they were too old for any of it
The way we walked on egg shells just to fit
Into a life
Where there was no hope
Because no matter how hard you tried to please
The answer still was nope
Forgive me for remembering
Forgive me for writing it with typing hands
Griping fingers
It still lingers
Like it won't let me go
And so I pray

God show me the way
To forget a little bit
That may be enough for now
Because I have to go
Go on somehow
Without the cruel words I once heard
Imprinted on my mind
Let me forget
Think of some other kind
Of man
Like my sons
Who have their problems
Who have their strengths and weaknesses too
But who will never be anything like the likes of you.


4/15/2012 0330 cj







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