The Things You Do To Me

I have not felt like this in a Very long time, the way your smile just brings out the kid in me and the clown in me that just wants to make you laugh and smile. I have been a man that can hide his feelings and keep them locked deep within my heart. an officer in the navy and taught to hide and hold my ground and never show no fear of any kind. but also a Gentlemen who was also taught that {love, honor, respect,} are the keys in life. and if you ever meet a true woman, a real woman, you love her honestly, respect her with your every being, and treat her as a gentlemen would care for a true woman of the soul. for behind every good man is a great woman.

And you have been so much more! I do understand that at one point and time in your life that you have been hurt dearly, and that truly hurts me to know that someone would hurt Someone so precious, so full of life and carries so much passion. a woman who has so much love to share but at times is so afraid to truly open up and express her heart in fear of being hurt once again. so instead opening her heart she has built a solid wall made of hurt and pain and tries to keep everyone out that maybe trying to get inside and touch her precious heart. to slowly ease his way into her heart and gently caress her soul.

So the foundation of the wall she has built around her heart is very deep and strong. Built to keep everyone out, made to show no true feelings or emotions. Just some simple smiles & laughter to say she is having fun. Not really wanting to commit because of her fears from the past. Because of The emotionally abuse she once suffered, the never knowing of where life would take her. Never knowing what the next day would bring.

Afraid to open up to anyone, yet at times that she is alone she feels some thing but doesn't want to give in afraid of the fear. So she hides behind that wall that she has built over the years with the pain and hurt she once felt. Not really wanting to let anyone close into her life. Some times feeling that it is okay to have once loved then to have not loved at all. And feeling at times content in her life. But At other times crying to herself deep within. Wanting to be held and loved unconditionally. Losing herself into the fast life so that she may not see the life she truly longs for, just a simple walk in the park hand and hand, sharing of a spontaneous moment.

But instead doing every thing that she can to keep her mind free and occupied from all thoughts, at times lying to herself that she is completely happy. When in all reality she is only partly happy. Her life missing the essence of being held closely. Kissed upon her eyes, cradled and held in the strong arms she has longed for to always let her know every thing will always be alright. Just like as a toddler needs its certain blanket to feel that confront at night. To always keep it safe from the out side world.

Inclosing id like to say if anyone has every felt such hurt and pain, {it is I} so to relate from heart to heart is what I can honestly say I truly understand. Behind that wall you guard and keep protected is the most precious and loving & caring woman. And one I would never hurt. Because although I may have been a true solider, been in battle with bullets flying over head, disarmed land mines, even been shot. Nothing fears this man, this solider, this officer and a gentlemen, more then to losing you in my life. You have been a great friend, a wonderful lover, someone I can always confined in, a shoulder to learn on when I need to vent, even soldiers cry. Just deep within. So within this letter what am I truly trying to say ? I knew I loved you before I met you!

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