Confessions of a Recovering Chantix Victim (The Journey Back)
I am a smoker and when I married my now ex-husband who was a reformed smoker I got nothing but attitude from him about my habit. He encouraged me to get a prescription for the drug Chantix. I had every adverse reaction they mention in the drug information plus a few they failed to talk about. I took myself off the drug after an incident where Gary Hines my husband at the time and his family failed to get me medical attention I so desperately needed. I had a psychotic breakdown and chest pain. We were at the time on vacation and rather than tend to his wife all he wanted to do was have fun. God forgive him and his family for what they did to me. He also lied and said he was sorry, but several years later I learned the truth. He was afraid of legal action I planned to take against him. His true feelings were I made myself sick....
Looking back on those lost years
trying to describe the nightmares
is difficult for me to do.
Some things might need to stay buried
in a steel covered coffin
beneath the earth to decay.
I know in my mind and heart
the story must be conveyed and exposed
so those old scars can finally heal.
I lived in darkness for over three years.
Bits and pieces of my life are gone
lost somewhere I may never retrieve them.
Things I see or hear are the triggers
and some of those memories have returned
but not everything has surfaced yet.
My brain chews and tries to digest
it tears itself apart looking for morsels
the sections where holes now reside.
Maybe with time I will recapture them
replace the holes with what happened.
Maybe if I pray long and hard enough
and keep the useless noise from my life
I can one day know all that happened.
I do know for me to move forward
the past must be confronted and overcome.
If I do not succeed in this task
those ghosts will come back to haunt me.
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