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​To the reader....the poem I share with you today is very close to my heart....as well as being a subject that can be difficult to talk about....it is close to my heart because I lived it....it deals with suicide...sadly...one out of every five people with bipolar disorder...Will commit suicide....those are unacceptable numbers....it is my hope to bring some comfort to those who have lost someone they love through suicide....and fervently hope that it will help even one person to hold on....and lastly...to make it understood that suicide is not a selfish act...to be selfish you must be rational...and when that veil of darkness falls over your mind....you are not rational....therefore you are not capable of being selfish....thank you for reading...

                                                                                               Survivor

The night cold
My mind swirls
As the wind
that howls outside my window

A snap
As loud in my mind
As a snow laden branch
Too heavy to bear it's own weight

Rationality
Has left me now
Leaving me feeling
So very alone

The house 
Still and silent
A stark contradiction 
To the storm in my head

My thoughts chaotic
Unable to reign them in
I am scattered
I have lost my way

My soul
So very weary
My spirit 
Broken and shattered

I long to leave
This world behind
Believing that anything
Better awaits me

Whatever I find
In that beyond
I am convinced is
Nothing short of peace

I have no thoughts of family
Remembrance of the love 
Around me
No longer in sight

My body 
Is so tired
Feeling old
Beyond my years

I feel 
No fear
The end I await
Is welcome

I take that
Fatal and lethal step
And await the veil of darkness 
To fall over me

I am calm
the time is near
No more chaos
In my mind

My thoughts begin to fade
My mind becomes cloudy
I feel I float
Weightless and free

Somewhere far away
A voice
Pierces my 
Welcome darkness

The voice
Determined
To deny me
My grave

Still I fight
My mind pleads
Please let me go
I am ready 

It is not
To be today
Behind that voice
My friend fights for my life

He won't
Let me go
He says it's
Not my time

My friend 
Interrupting
What I believe to be
My only hope

Slowly the fog and darkness
Lift from my mind
Even as I struggle
To hold it

A doctor's voice
Asking me why
I am so very weary
Is all I can say

Weeks pass by
Much talking done
My mind comes into focus
I am grateful

Grateful to 
That voice
To my friend
Who became my saviour

He fought as hard
To keep me here
As I was fighting
To leave

He saved many
Things that night
My future and
My family

Peace can be
Found here
Be still
Reach out

Tomorrow
The sun will rise
Bringing with it
Eternal hope

Today I live
I found my peace
I am proud to be
A survivor

Melody Clark
Copyright© September 23,2013


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