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Ballad of Gertrude Plunkett.



 



She was a lady of easy virtue



Gertrude Plunkett was her name;



Giving good value for money



Was her only claim to fame.



 



She lived with Big Bert from Barnsley



Six foot four with a left legged limp



Whose only visible means was 



Acting as Gertrude’s pimp.



She fell in love with Bertie Biggins



Who ran a market clothing stall



And for her Bertie Higgins she 



Was prepared to give her all.



She tried to change her management



And give Big Bert the dump



But not all nexpectedly Big Bert



Went and took the hump. 



 



It was daggers drawn time



Much to Gertrudes sad ire



For all she really wanted was



To follow her hearts desire.



She was quite worried



It would turn out rough



With lots of naughty words



And bouts of fisticuffs:



But it was decided quite amicably



And Big Bert set Gertrude free



After meaningful discussions



And a considerable transfer fee.



 



Now Gertrude’s the Lady of the Manor



Having discovered a commercial skill



Bertie has fourteen shops now



Much to his unexpected thrill.



Big Bert is back in Barnsley



With his money in the bank



And in his heart and soul 



He knows who he has to thank.



Gertrude Plunket retired hooker



Once a Lady of the Street



Dusts her Aspidistra and gives thanks



For  a life now simple and complete.



 



She’d been a lady of easy virtue



Gertude Plunkett was her name



Giving good value for money



Once her only claim to fame.



 



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Ballad of Gertrude Plunkett