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Slightly Unconventional Nursery Rhymes (for the 21st Century)
So MARY loved a little lamb--
Especially on her plate.
But watch out, Mary: Too much lamb,
And you'll be overweight.
HUMPTY DUMPTY sat on the wall.
Learn from his mistake.
If you're not mindful and alert,
You can fall and break.
A TISKET, a TASKET,
Forget about a basket.
Do what you are told
Or your folks will blow a gasket!
JACK SPRAT could eat no fat.
Yuck! Do you blame him?
A few more veggies on his plate
Surely wouldn't maim him.
If MRS. SPRAT could eat no lean
And just the fatty parts,
Wasn't her cholesterol level
Jumping off the charts?
MISTRESS MARY, quite contrary,
Has a brand new garden.
All her plants are drought resistant.
Damn! Oops, beg your pardon.
No silver bells or cockle shells
To praise or brag about?
I guess they're not so practical
When there's a major drought.
JACK B. NIMBLE was pretty slick,
Although he was a nut.
Don't play around with candlesticks,
Or you could burn your butt.
EENY MEENY MINY MOE...
Invest your money and watch it grow.
It's good to save and not to owe,
EENY MEENY MINY MOE...
GEORGIE PORGIE made the girls cry
Every time he kissed ‘em.
They didn't like that chauvinist
And the way he dissed ‘em.
Did JACK AND JILL go up the hill
Really to get water?
What kind of H2O
Would make him swerve and totter?
If these days PETER put his wife
In a pumpkin shell,
He wouldn't hear the end of it;
Boy, she'd give him hell!
(8-13-14)
Especially on her plate.
But watch out, Mary: Too much lamb,
And you'll be overweight.
HUMPTY DUMPTY sat on the wall.
Learn from his mistake.
If you're not mindful and alert,
You can fall and break.
A TISKET, a TASKET,
Forget about a basket.
Do what you are told
Or your folks will blow a gasket!
JACK SPRAT could eat no fat.
Yuck! Do you blame him?
A few more veggies on his plate
Surely wouldn't maim him.
If MRS. SPRAT could eat no lean
And just the fatty parts,
Wasn't her cholesterol level
Jumping off the charts?
MISTRESS MARY, quite contrary,
Has a brand new garden.
All her plants are drought resistant.
Damn! Oops, beg your pardon.
No silver bells or cockle shells
To praise or brag about?
I guess they're not so practical
When there's a major drought.
JACK B. NIMBLE was pretty slick,
Although he was a nut.
Don't play around with candlesticks,
Or you could burn your butt.
EENY MEENY MINY MOE...
Invest your money and watch it grow.
It's good to save and not to owe,
EENY MEENY MINY MOE...
GEORGIE PORGIE made the girls cry
Every time he kissed ‘em.
They didn't like that chauvinist
And the way he dissed ‘em.
Did JACK AND JILL go up the hill
Really to get water?
What kind of H2O
Would make him swerve and totter?
If these days PETER put his wife
In a pumpkin shell,
He wouldn't hear the end of it;
Boy, she'd give him hell!
(8-13-14)
