Welcome to My life in the shadows
INSIDE THE FRAILTY
You really must invasion
The sound of the crash
As your world comes tumbling down
Before you wake wide-eyed
With a pain only God can forgive.
You see way out here
In the forgotten places
Where we live our lives
In the crossfire of stars,
Out here one can see
We are all immaculate,
All heroes of the highest caliber,
Like Buck Rodgers was defeating Ming.
It is only down there
In the real world
Beyond the sight of others prying eyes
That you try to hide
Just before your nose dive
Hits head on
Into solid ground.
Down here is where
Your knees begin to buckle,
Like autumn leaves
Teased by the bitter winds
Of a new and frozen reality
When a pedophilic scout master
Demonstrates his love
To an eleven year old boy
Frozen with fear…Down here
It changes everything.
Winter 1961
Marv was a scout master who owned apartments and rental shops around town. Whenever one came open he would gather his scouts and us neighborhood boys and we would help Marv clean them up, get them ready to rent again. In return Marv would take us swimming, or tubing, or camping, or throw a slumber party in the place we just cleaned out. In our neighbor Marv was well respected by most boys and parents alike. It seemed to them, the parents, that he was the only person in the whole damn town, other than them, who cared about us neighborhood kids. The last time I saw Marv was after the last slumber party I went to, little did I know that no one else would be invited? This changed everything. Before this I was a good boy with good friends, and it would be 47 years before I would speak of this to anyone, 47 years of hiding pain and embarrassment with addiction, because as everyone knows, addicts are made and not born of some dream, like a fireman, or a policeman, or a Doctor is.
uTAH jAY
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INSIDE THE FRAILTY
INSIDE THE FRAILTY