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 Elsie`s Poetry

SELFISH






SELFISH





It`s strange how a situation can look
So different way down the line,
I met someone who was in a
Similar situation to mine.



Both our Mum`s were dying
And nothing could be done,
Nothing did any good
The grim reaper had won.



Now this is where we differ
In our approach to letting go,
He prayed for her to be released
From pain because he loved her so.



I was selfish, no thought for her pain,
I just needed her to stay,
And tho` I prayed as hard as I could
Still the reaper won the day.



Looking back I see the contrast
And accept my selfishness was vast,
Now another dilemma has come to pass
Which gives me more torment alas.



My precious dog Sweep had a stroke
Is what the vet told me that day,
Now decision time was on me again
To let him go or to have him stay.



The vet told me what I didn`t want to hear
She made everything very clear,
My tears fell freely as my world fell apart
The decision I had to make was breaking my heart.



I wanted him with me more than life itself
But who should I consider him or myself?
I made the wrong decision once before
So this time I thought I`d even the score.



He died in my arms as I talked softly to him
Never did I realize the torment that would begin,
My selfishness was over I had let him go
But the pain it caused you will never know.



There was no good feeling to not being selfish
Just to turn back the clock was my only wish,
I wanted him back I thought I`d go insane
Losing him just caused me unbearable pain.



I ask myself questions the answers I already know
I torment myself I just can`t let go,
I feel I need to be punished `cos I couldn`t do more
It`s an inward struggle as my mind wagers a war.



My Mum and Sweep now lie in painless sleep
While I am left alone with guilt to weep,
Sometimes you want something so badly
That selflessness doesn`t come into it sadly.



There were two situations and two choices
I had been selfish and I had been selfless,
I still lost my Mum and still lost Sweep
Either choice didn`t make the pain any less.



Having been selfish and also selfless
Both have left me feeling the same,
Two situations, two choices with one outcome
Losing my dog and my Mum has left me numb.





copyright©2014 Elsie


Elsie`s Poetry ~*~ Poet5170
http://poetrypoem.com/poet5170








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