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 Pages Of A Woman's Soul

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INTROSPECTION


Author's Note: This piece is the result of a prompt from a healing practitioner, who suggested that we all carry within us suppressed feelings of anger, fear, self condemnation, etc. and that to truly release the negative energy within us, it is good to find a way to express those trapped emotions. My chosen way of releasing emotion and thoughts has always been through writing and poetry. I drew upon my own experiences, the experiences others have shared with me, and my own imagination when I wrote this piece. My faith, my sense of wonder and awe with the experience of life, and the love that surrounds me helps me grow each day into a more positive, spiritual, enlightened woman. I hope that this exercise encourages others to release any anger or negative feelings you may harbor within. Step into the light!

contemplation photo: contemplation 2r4rlmq.jpg

Unexplainable vitriol
rises up, pushing foully
against the back of my teeth
and I swallow down the bile
that wants to spew forth

And question
silently…

Who the hell am I?
Where did this rage begin?

Give me something here;
let a memory spring up from the depths
let it batter me squarely on the chin
let the pain pour forth and disembowel me
because try as I might…

I can't find the source.

Did it begin before I was even conceived,
somewhere in the DNA that formed me;
an angry chromosome contributing
to the demise of the chance for
a peaceful existence?

Perhaps the hurts from a former life
have been lain upon my back to bear
as lessons of confusion,
waiting for me to
unpuzzle them.

A bitter thought:
just as one unrelenting drop of water
over millennia erodes the surface
of a stone, niggling away at it
until its original contour
cannot be remembered

the fallen tears of
a thousand trivial blows and betrayals,
injuries cast upon body, mind, and soul
have worn away the woman
I was meant to be
at the start

Does it cause them all to blow away
like so much ash from a fire
if I revisit the hauntings,
speak openly of them,
or unburden myself
to another?

I think not.

But reaching down inside
seeing myself in the mirror of
my life's truth releases me,
makes me know that
anger can only
get you so far…

then your time comes to
let go, reconcile yourself,
ask for forgiveness,
pray, breathe,
leave the past

and turn to the Light.


K. Tate Jacoby
Copyright 1/30/15




                                
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