First title how to survive a happy marriage
Advice to those seeking a long happy relationship
Before I speak on such subjects I need
permission from the love of my life the Petticoat Dictator
Now, I can't speak for my wife but so far--
the Petticoat Dictator has not changed locks,
added life insurance, or asked for my front door key
So here is my advice for a happy marriage, Male version
It does not matter who has the highest income.
Whoever cooks the meal the domestic partner does the dishes
So far the only thing I cook well is French onion soup
Cold cereal, toaster waffles, with peanut butter,
Canned chili with canned tamales mixed together!
I do great Mexican take home, Chinese, being my specialty
So I do most of the dishes except when we have company
She does not want to embarrass my manhood in front of company
My bride also pretends I can fix things when she does it!
Basically she married me for my looks and then old and fat
Lucky for us neither of us suffers from Alzheimer disease,
although yesterday they found my lovely bride wandering in the mall.
The clerk said to me, "Does this woman belong to you?"
I said, "of coarse she does, one of us had to drive us here!"
I bring coffee to her in the morning and constantly flatter her
I think it is getting old but after fifty some years so are we!
I say, "Yes dear how high--!" to avoid being beaten
You say you are six three and she is only five foot two!
I would never strike her she holds to no such bondage.
Please do not tell my lovely wife I titled this, "Domestic Slavery!"
"Yes Dear--but isn't this leftovers from my French Onion soup?"
"OK, Wiseguy, tomorrow night you are taking me to that expensive
restaurant who imports the onions and cheese from Green Bay Packer country.
Tormenting me knowing those cheeseheads are rivals of my beloved Seahawks.
There she has done it again Tony Bennett is singing, "I left my heart in
San Francisco!" The cruelist of all why didn't they hand to ball to Lynch?"
I think she is surprising me on my birthday she wants me out of the house.
This morning she left a note "It reads after I dump the trash she wants me
out of the house for a day or two!" It's either a surprise party or yard sale
all my stuff is in the front yard again. I is supposed to rain and my record
collection well get wet. Sometimes I think she is giving me a message
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