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10 Rules for Gaining the Favor of the American People and for Possibly Winning the 2016 Republican Presidential Candidacy
Rule number 1--this one's important:
Be extremely outspoken and crass.
In fact, you'll gain more popularity,
The more you act like a pain in the ass.
The 2nd rule is to be insulting--
Insult everybody you can.
Call other people no good or stupid
And you will impress many a fan.
Rule number 3: be a bully.
Show 'em the stuff that you're made of, and when
That falls short, your crass materialism
Should impress 'em again and again.
Make sure your tone is rude and brusque:
This makes rule number 4.
Remove reporters who ask tough questions
So they won't bother you anymore.
The 5th rule: blast immigrants;
Make them a scapegoat and propose
A plan to stop all undocumented
Immigrants from being the source of our woes.
Rule number 6: criticize women;
Make them targets to belittle and disparage.
Praise traditional matrimony
While you jump from marriage to marriage.
Be narcissistic is rule number 7;
Boast about your wealth and your power.
Self-aggrandizement will get you
Attention (especially if you've got a tower).
Rule number 8: criticize the government
By saying our country is weak; then spew
More invective and suggest that people
Ought to be more vitriolic--like you.
Next, divorce politics from thought:
This rule is rule number 9.
Make generalizations with no explanations
And never admit that you've crossed the line.
Rhetorical excess is rule number 10;
Blow everything out of proportion.
Use grandiose and bombastic ramblings
And people will overlook each distortion.
There you have it: ten clear-cut ways
To show the people that you've got verve.
And those who cast their votes your way
Will end up getting what they deserve.
(8-26-15)
Be extremely outspoken and crass.
In fact, you'll gain more popularity,
The more you act like a pain in the ass.
The 2nd rule is to be insulting--
Insult everybody you can.
Call other people no good or stupid
And you will impress many a fan.
Rule number 3: be a bully.
Show 'em the stuff that you're made of, and when
That falls short, your crass materialism
Should impress 'em again and again.
Make sure your tone is rude and brusque:
This makes rule number 4.
Remove reporters who ask tough questions
So they won't bother you anymore.
The 5th rule: blast immigrants;
Make them a scapegoat and propose
A plan to stop all undocumented
Immigrants from being the source of our woes.
Rule number 6: criticize women;
Make them targets to belittle and disparage.
Praise traditional matrimony
While you jump from marriage to marriage.
Be narcissistic is rule number 7;
Boast about your wealth and your power.
Self-aggrandizement will get you
Attention (especially if you've got a tower).
Rule number 8: criticize the government
By saying our country is weak; then spew
More invective and suggest that people
Ought to be more vitriolic--like you.
Next, divorce politics from thought:
This rule is rule number 9.
Make generalizations with no explanations
And never admit that you've crossed the line.
Rhetorical excess is rule number 10;
Blow everything out of proportion.
Use grandiose and bombastic ramblings
And people will overlook each distortion.
There you have it: ten clear-cut ways
To show the people that you've got verve.
And those who cast their votes your way
Will end up getting what they deserve.
(8-26-15)
