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 heartunes

1988

By c j, www.PoetryPoem.com/heartunes    Unlock all Features - Upgrade to Poetry Prime

Woodroe and Augustus
Have left me crying for the last
One and a half hours
Parts 3 and 4 of
LONESOME DOVE
Do people even make movies
As this one anymore?
It's hard to believe
That was 27 years ago
When a movie was made about
The 1800's
When my grandmother's and grandfather's were born
Or even earlier
What a time to live
Without cars
Without electricity
Without doctors readily available
Tough times
I've nothing to mourn over
At the end of this year
As I'm freezing to my bones
With little food
Ashamed to get out the
Electric chainsaw and cut me some wood
As that's man's work
But my son wouldn't cut it for me today
Before he goes out to an expensive place tonight
To party with the rich people
While mom freezes in a house without heat
He doesn't understand I need help
He only remembers his strong mother
Who would rather not ask for help
Because she's not going to get it anyway
Asking only equals disappointment
And I've had enough of that the past two years
Being homeless
I can only think about now
As I have a home
Even if
It was built in 1900
Seeing much better days than now
I bought 28 pounds of cat food
This month
The four stray cats I feed
Ate it all
Today they ate lunch meat in Top Ramen
They were happy for it
Same for the dogs
With 50 pounds of dog food eaten
They will survive a few more days
Until I have money again
As the temperature turns into the teens tonight
From the twenties today
I wear my coat in the house
Keep two electric oil heaters going
It isn't enough
I don't know if I'll survive the Winter here
Or me and the dogs will be found frozen to death
Sometimes in January
Here alone
It's difficult
When I didn't raise my kids to respect me
Two out of four of them do
While the oldest and youngest
I feel like wouldn't even care
If I died
As if I did
It would be one less nasty poem
They would have to read about themselves
I know the truth hurts
It's why I can cry for a hour and a half
Over some old movie I watched before
When they were my all
Young babies
Young children
I worked to help survive
Survive they did
Now
I don't have much time left on this Earth
I will be swallowed whole by poverty
Little pieces of me the gut of the beast
A great feast of an old woman
Digested by life
Burnt at the stake
For the sake of those that come after
1988 I was 20 miles from this place
Of snow and ice
A new nurse helping others
Remember kids to help the mothers
That brought you into this world
Before they die
Because afterward no one can help them
As they lie there stiff and cold
Body parts going to some lab to be used
For someone else in life
I give and don't understand why it's not returned
By the ones I love most
Perhaps I'll never know
Tomorrow will be a better day
It has to be
I've done the best I can in this life
Even if
It's not good enough for the masses
It was good enough for my animals
For my patients
For my bosses
For all the losses
And gains
I've experienced
If they cannot understand me
It's okay
As today and everyday
I have God to love me
That is what is important
I am saved.


12/31/2015 1932PST cj







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