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Gunlandia (à la Seuss)
One day in a land that's quite renowned,
Disturbing news was floating around.
People cried, "Help! It's happening today:
Our leader is taking our guns away!"
Millions swarmed to their gun shops for fear
Their gun shops' demise soon would draw near.
Since no one wanted to be a gun mourner,
The lines stretched around every corner.
"So thirty thousand people will die
From guns in this country each year? Oh, my!
Just THIRTY thousand? Well, that's nifty;
I was afraid I was going to hear FIFTY
Thousand people," said one eager buyer,
Imagining all the guns he'd acquire.
"Three hundred million guns in this land,"
Said another, holding a gun in his hand;
"That's a statistic that I can't rebuff,
But frankly speaking that isn't enough.
A gun gives you power to a certain degree,
But having an arsenal: that makes you free!"
The people cried, "Yay! The more guns the merrier!
Down with every gun-buying barrier!"
From out of the shops the gun buyers streamed.
Their weapons sparkled and glittered and gleamed:
Fancy rifles; assault weapons, too;
Sawed-off shotguns in red, white, and blue.
Someone said, "Wait! There's one thing I need:
A machine gun will bring my collection up to speed."
The laughter and gaiety rose to a high pitch
As the shoppers scratched each gun-buying itch.
"My guns," said one woman, "actually give
Me and my husband a reason to live."
Hubby said, "Yeah, my gun is my life.
I even like it more than my wife.
Our leader wants to stack the decks
In favor of strengthening background checks.
I believe in simplification;
Down with every gun regulation!"
More cheers broke out from those who dreaded
The warnings from anyone more level-headed.
"The Second Amendment should be the rule
Of the land; if you disagree you're a fool,"
Pontificated a bespectacled chap
Who sported a spiffy NRA cap.
"And if gun show loopholes bother you, well,
You can simply go to hell."
Gun store owners were beside themselves;
They couldn't keep the guns on their shelves.
The manufacturers liked the ripple
Effect as they watched their bank accounts triple.
They said, "We have a reason to brag;
Let's put a firearm on our great flag!"
The people shot down firearm discussions
And heedlessly ignored repercussions.
They felt that they needed to put up a fight
For what they thought was a guaranteed right
In a country known as Gunlandia--a place
Where being gunless was a disgrace;
Where what really mattered was rule number one:
Life's incomplete if you don't have a gun.
(1-6-16)
Disturbing news was floating around.
People cried, "Help! It's happening today:
Our leader is taking our guns away!"
Millions swarmed to their gun shops for fear
Their gun shops' demise soon would draw near.
Since no one wanted to be a gun mourner,
The lines stretched around every corner.
"So thirty thousand people will die
From guns in this country each year? Oh, my!
Just THIRTY thousand? Well, that's nifty;
I was afraid I was going to hear FIFTY
Thousand people," said one eager buyer,
Imagining all the guns he'd acquire.
"Three hundred million guns in this land,"
Said another, holding a gun in his hand;
"That's a statistic that I can't rebuff,
But frankly speaking that isn't enough.
A gun gives you power to a certain degree,
But having an arsenal: that makes you free!"
The people cried, "Yay! The more guns the merrier!
Down with every gun-buying barrier!"
From out of the shops the gun buyers streamed.
Their weapons sparkled and glittered and gleamed:
Fancy rifles; assault weapons, too;
Sawed-off shotguns in red, white, and blue.
Someone said, "Wait! There's one thing I need:
A machine gun will bring my collection up to speed."
The laughter and gaiety rose to a high pitch
As the shoppers scratched each gun-buying itch.
"My guns," said one woman, "actually give
Me and my husband a reason to live."
Hubby said, "Yeah, my gun is my life.
I even like it more than my wife.
Our leader wants to stack the decks
In favor of strengthening background checks.
I believe in simplification;
Down with every gun regulation!"
More cheers broke out from those who dreaded
The warnings from anyone more level-headed.
"The Second Amendment should be the rule
Of the land; if you disagree you're a fool,"
Pontificated a bespectacled chap
Who sported a spiffy NRA cap.
"And if gun show loopholes bother you, well,
You can simply go to hell."
Gun store owners were beside themselves;
They couldn't keep the guns on their shelves.
The manufacturers liked the ripple
Effect as they watched their bank accounts triple.
They said, "We have a reason to brag;
Let's put a firearm on our great flag!"
The people shot down firearm discussions
And heedlessly ignored repercussions.
They felt that they needed to put up a fight
For what they thought was a guaranteed right
In a country known as Gunlandia--a place
Where being gunless was a disgrace;
Where what really mattered was rule number one:
Life's incomplete if you don't have a gun.
(1-6-16)
