Oh the joys of Victorian England when

You could trust what the Old Queen said

And life was safe and secure with

A guzzunda tucked under the bed.

The world was safe and secure
When Britannia ruled the waves
Full of her grateful subjects that
The Empire unselfishly had saved.
And the upper and middle classes
Dined on quail and sweet sugar plums
And those unwashed lower orders
Were confined to industrial slums.
When Vicci ruled the world and Albert
Intrduced the kilt and Christmas tree
Before Britain's ungrateful Empire
All plotted to be Empire free.
Oh those were halcyon days
When the summer was never wet
And Vicci ruled her Kingdom
On which the sun could never set.
Life was safe and secure with
Mince pies and the Yuletide log
Before it all went crazy and
America became new top dog.
Oh for that state of well being
When a man could rest his head
In his home that became his castle with
His guzzunda tucked under the bed.