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 Climb the highest mountain, punch the face of god

There is nothing that can be adrift and at peace

By Suge , www.PoetryPoem.com/sweetcuppincakes    Unlock all Features - Upgrade to Poetry Prime

When the darkness of the funeral had lifted,
 I was still stuck in the gray of consequences.

 She'd held my hand once.
 Or many times since.
 And I can only remember her words,
 Her ideas, her dreams;
 Everything she wanted but could never hold.

 She was prone to overdoing it.
 Everything she ever wanted,
 In one small moment until it
 Started to kill her.

 And instead, I sit here in anger,
 Not sadness, wishing she could have
 Learned her lesson.

 The sun peaks out from behind the dingy clouds,
 And I pray for it to go away.
 The brightness stings as the tears leap from my eyes.

 I remember everything backwards.

 I stood before her plot,
 Hands dirty from the handful of dirt
 I threw upon her casket to help bury her.
 That one handful of dirty, cleaner than my soul,
 Cleaner than my spotty memory…

I remember everything wrong.
 They tell me I'm the backwards one.

 Her laughter echoes in my ears.
 I do not want to hear it.
 I want to shut myself away from it all.

 And while I'm at it, I want to shut out the color,
 I want to shut out the music, I want to shut out
 The beautiful smells, so that nothing ever again can penetrate.

 I remember.
 The way she dove into my words,
 Proclaiming them genius,
 The words any author wants to hear.

 And I remember the laughter
 Which stings worse than the memory of her
 Suffering in a hospice.

 I brush it all away, in a fit of vomit and spite.
 Because there was something about her,
 And I can't figure it out because I remember
 Everything.
 Backwards.

 7-30-12







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