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Gout


Now I had a little blood test
Just for kidney efficiency you see,
Thought no more about it until
 The  doctor asked  to see me.
No appointment for two weeks
But there really is no hurry
So, we'll book you in for then
 And do please,  try not to worry.

As we'd not yet met
I knew it wasn't desire
Knew  my sparkling wit hadn't
Set the Doctor carnally on fire.
To say I wasn't worried
Wouldn't be exactly true
When you get to my age
You just naturally do.

Come the awaited day with
 Trepidation and not a little fear
I turned up on time
To hear what I might hear.
Now I've lead a simple life
Maybe not exactly free of sin
 But I've  laboured conscientiously  
And put some time and effort in,

But I couldn't speak for laughing
When she left me in no doubt
Yes I had correctly heard
I was suffering from the Gout
One of the funniest things I've heard
In my  not uneventful life
Still laughing so much I couldn't
Tell my worried waiting wife.

Now I'm contemplating
Major changes in life style
But when I think about it
I still have to smile.
So many beloved foods
Very strictly on the way out
Because hilariously I've gone
And developed the blooming Gout.

And, that little blood test
Obviously did me a favour
And when it comes to pain
May have been my saviour.
And under this Tory government
Lo it has to pass
Conditions once of affluence can
Now be enjoyed by the working class.







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